Thursday, September 30, 2004

I haven't had a guest post in a while, and was pleasantly surprised by this one in my inbox this morning. Enjoy. - LB

We need to relax

Does that seem cliché? Do we hear it too often? I’m not sure if we do or not, but I’m saying it again. We need to relax. I know, I know, these are troubling times in which we live…hurricanes wreaking havoc in florida, a nation-splitting election, a disastrous war in Iraq, keeping up with brit brit and j. lo’s wedding plans…these are indeed stressful times. Maybe it’s easy for me to say, I am not facing any personal crises, my friends and my family are healthy and happy, maybe it’s easy for me to be relaxed. Let me get to my story…

So I’m pedaling into work (I bike commute, I mention b/c it is integral to the story) this morning having left my place about 7:30, which is 30 minutes or so later than I usually depart for work. I knew that there would be a bit more traffic on the road, but I wasn’t too worried as I don’t have to take any major roads/highways to get to work and I’m fairly comfortable on my bike in high traffic situations. I guess the term high-traffic is a bit misleading, cars don’t exceed 45 mph on route to work and that is probably only one steep downhill, so it’s more like 30-35 mph. (For those that know Austin my route takes me from west enfield to downtown Austin and I stay on enfield/15th the whole way, about a 15 minute trip.) Back to my story…so I’m pedaling up to an intersection and on my right there are cars waiting to turn right onto the road I’m on. I’m pedaling slowly as it is uphill and I make eye contact with one of the drivers waiting for me to pass. She is screaming, or at least mouthing (her windows were rolled up) the words, “come on, come on, let’s go…” there was more, but you get my point, she was visibly angered. Right after I pass her she pulls out and hammers the gas pedal and zooms by me. I’ve gotten a lot of honks and people screaming at me out of their car windows as a bike commuter, but this was the worst I’ve witnessed. If you could have seen the look on her face. I thought to myself, maybe she was on her way to the hospital or something, but if that were the case she would have had her flashers on and she actually would have had enough time to go out in front of me. I don’t think this was the situation. So this is my case study. Was it really necessary to her survival for her to be that upset this morning? Is it really necessary for people to blare their horns at me? Surely I’m not that important, surely there is something else bothering all these people. What is it? I have a few hypotheses…but this is not place to lay those out. My purpose for writing this is to advocate for some patience, some tolerance in our everyday lives. Stop and consider the situation the next time you find yourself getting upset, frustrated, or your blood pressure is rising. Stop and think…is this really necessary?

Maybe there will be some people that read this and think to themselves, that girl had every right to be mad, this crazy guy on the bike needs to get off the effing road. I don’t really want to get into this argument except to say that by law I have a right to be on the road, and to offer a few pieces of evidence about the decline of the public’s health in the USA and how people spending too much time in their cars may contribute to this decline. If one is interested they can look up these references and read for themselves. (1,2)

I often wonder if the general level of happiness is on the decline in society. Maybe that is one explanation for people getting upset all the time. They aren’t happy.

When I read a golfgirl post about how happy she is and how she is unconsciously smiling all the time, I find myself forming a similar unconscious smile. It makes me happy to hear stories of her happiness, and to know she is happy.

Moral of the story: smile more, honk only when necessary.

1. Ewing R, Schmid T, Killingsworth R, et al. Relationship between urban sprawl and physical activity, obesity, and morbidity. American Journal of Health Promotion. 2003;18:47-57.
2. Sturm R, Cohen DA. Suburban sprawl and physical and mental health. Public Health. 2004;118:488-496.

posted at 9:47 AM

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Glory be to God on high....

Nestle has unleashed a new product, straight from the heavens. It's their normal Crunch bar, but with caramel. I'm not sure if it's just in the "miniatures" size right now or what, but they're in the candy dish at my receptionist's desk in case you need one.

Schlotzky's now has a turkey sandwich with guacamole on it. I always prefer sliced avocado to guac on a sandwich, but this is certainly a step in the right direction.

I haven't played golf in months. Quarters, even. This blog's name is a misnomer. I need a new one.

Someone visited my site last night using the search phrase, "Prostitutes on Harry Hines". I sure hope they found what they were looking for.

Update: The Caramel Nestle Crunches apparently came in a bag of your regular run-of-the-mill Nestle Crunch miniatures. Like little beacons of light in my world of chocolate darkness.

posted at 1:15 PM

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Search strings that brought visitors to the GolfGirl blog this week:

"KY Jelly Samples"
"I need to pee right now"

posted at 9:53 AM

I'm old. My body just can't take the things it used to welcome with open arms. That Titan jacked me up...tightly.

I went to the Ranger game last night. Kick ass seats, again. Again, feeling guilty for scoring such good seats, not paying for them, and not giving a damn about what was going on out there on the field. I wished that B was with me, so that I could at least watch him enjoying it so much. It's not that I didn't have a good time. I saw friends from high school, one I hadn't seen in ten years. People change, but they stay exactly the same. More of that to look forward to at the upcoming reunion.

I'm tired. I'm sitting here with my fingers on the keys, trying to muster something interesting for you to read, for a change, and I can't come up with anything.

So maybe you can help me with something. I need to come up with some "awards" for my high school reunion. The only one I can come up with is "Most Changed". Obviously, I can't do anything like "Gained Most Weight" or "Fewest Teeth Left in His/Her Head" or anything insulting, or anything that might hurt someone's feelings. But I need to create a ballot and hand out some cheesy prizes. Because, you know, this is the stupid cheesy shit one does at a reunion. But I've got nothin' in terms of ideas for these awards. Give me what you've got.

Back to work.

posted at 9:06 AM

Monday, September 27, 2004

Does that picture gross you out? Yeah, I know. And I don't give a s-h-i-t.

Pretty good weekend, actually. I lost Lily again on Friday night. I am a terrible mother. Todd and I will be setting up a test sometime this week, to see where she's going and what she's doing when she crosses the ledge. Just so that I'll know...Because she's no longer allowed on the patio without a barrier. Except for the test. She'll be allowed to cross for the test.

My friend with twins (a.k.a. Tracy) came into town this weekend and stayed with Kelly. I spent some time with them on Friday night and did some lunch and girl time with them Saturday afternoon. Yep.

(...the boring details continue...)

I made a dent in my housecleaning and laundry on Saturday afternoon, but it's still a mess. I bought an indoor grill. We grilled some chicken. And pineapples. And squash. And garlic. And zucchini. Basically, we grilled everything we could get our hands on. Except the milk. Then I slept. Like a rock. Like, I said and did things I don't remember doing because of my deep slumber. It was like being drugged. Perhaps I was? It was awesome.

(...if you're still reading, there's more...)

Sunday, I took the youth group kids to Six Flags. It was fun -- the weather was nice, there were no lines, and none of the kids wanted to ride the stupid water rides. None of them stunk up my car or vomited or fell down or cried. It was good. And we rode the Titan several times...Just so that we could have our picture taken over and over again with different poses. And we bought one. We took pictures with our camera, too, while on the rides. That was fun. Most importantly, I think it's important to mention that I consumed more sugar yesterday than I did during the years between 1979 and 1984. HOLY moly.

Tonight, I'm going to a Ranger game. I. H.A.T.E. B.A.S.E.B.A.L.L. That's okay, because I'll see some old friends, catch up a bit. I have a friend who has GREAT ticket hook ups. She's always sending me something. This week, it's a Ranger game. It'll be fun. She's also good friends with David Copperfield. Isn't that funny!?! I think it is. Man, does she have some stories. Rock and roll.

What else? Oh yeah. I'mreadyforthismotherfuckingreuniontobeoveranddonewith. Breathe in, breathe out...


posted at 1:34 PM

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

The World Exploded in Love

So last night, after "Everwood", after dinner, after the day was completely over and there was nothing left to do, and really nothing left to say, I was relaxed and on the edge of sleep. And he said, "Why are you smiling?" And I didn't even realize I was smiling. But I was. Ear to ear. And that felt good. So I thought about it for a while, about these things. And then he said, "Is it because you're so happy?" I smiled some more. And he said, "It's because you're so happy."

And I am.

There's a universe that can't be seen
It's just a feeling if you know what I mean
A delectable dimension undetectable by sight
Fill up your heart in the dead of the night
Some say it's an astral plane
Can't be described
Can't be explained...

The world exploded in love all around me
The world exploded in love all around me
And every time I take a look around me
I have to smile...

Is our love just an illusion?
There's no need to figure it out
Separation exists not in your love filled heart, but only in your mind
Real stories all around you
Even now it surrounds you
Even now I feel the power...

The world exploded in love all around me
The world exploded in love all around me
And every time I take a look around me
I have to smile
I have to smile
I have to smile

- Bob Schneider

posted at 2:11 PM

Monday, September 20, 2004

My favorite Bob Schneider song of the day - "Better"

To feel
Your poison tongue, your
Winter lips
Upon me...
To stain the floor
With our bodies
Nothing could be

So close to heaven
Do you like the way
The way I dance?...
I'm dancing for you
And all I need
Is for you to make

For if you
Were to drop me on the ground
I don't know if I
Would bounce back...
Or breakdown
I don't think I could
Feel any

And all I want
Is just a little more
All I need
Is your correction
Cause all I have
Is nothing could be
Nothing would be...

posted at 3:33 PM

I'm working on it. I really am.

Have you seen the yellow ribbons? Of course you have, because they're everywhere. I'm not talking about yellow ribbons, I'm talking about those HUGE yellow ribbon stickers for your car. It's not that I don't want our troops to come home, I just don't, generally speaking, like bumper stickers. Sure, some bumper stickers are hilarious, and I get a big kick out of them. But I still don't like stickers on the bumper. I like reading the bumper stickers in book stores and whatnot.

And then there's those hockey pucks, baseballs, and little soccer balls that are made to look as if they've gone halfway through your windshield? I hate those. Especially when people have more than one. I mean, it was easy to think, "Gasp! Their car got hit by a hockey puck outside the ice rink!", but then, you're forced to think, "What are the chances that their car windshield was penetrated by a hockey puck and a baseball!??!? They must have bad sports equipment karma. I hope they're not planning on canoeing any time soon."

Then there's keychains. Lots of keychains. And my hatred of them.
And the stuffed animals in the cars on the dashboard. Hate those, too.
And we've talked about those fake bullet holes.
The antenna balls (Jack in the Box or what-have-you) don't bother me so much, though.

You can disagree with me. This is just my opinion. I need to get rid of this hate. It usually only comes around once a month, thank goodness.

posted at 2:30 PM

Thursday, September 16, 2004

And I just said, "Screw it, we're going to Austin City Limits."

And so I got the tickets.
And took off work.
And washed my clothes.
And packed some stuff.
And so we're leaving tonight.

And that's how our relationship is. It's spontaneous and fun. But more importantly, it's give and take. It's warm and right and sweet and makes me feel good all over. It is understanding and patient. It is perfect.

Have a good weekend with me.

posted at 3:44 PM

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Melanoma, Stained Teeth, and Incubus

This morning, on my way into Flower Mound for my orthodontist appointment, I noticed a new business has opened, "Tan and Coffee". You heard me, a one-stop shop for a little artificial tanning and a non-fat latte. What genius came up with this one? I think I will open a fried Twinkie shop that also doubles as a meth lab. Now, Will and Sam will likely comment on my coffee drinking and the fact that I have, in fact, used an artificial tanning machine in the past. This is true. That doesn't stop me from being amazed and amused at this new business establishment, though. So there.

Last night. Incubus. I must admit that I enjoyed it. I didn't expect to. But I did. It was a good show and I'm glad I went. I was surprised at how many of their songs I actually knew. And I forgot to get a T-shirt.

I have connections. I don't know how it happens, but I always seem to score tickets, with really good seats, to some really good shows or games. Other times, I just score great seats at a show or game for which I have feelings of only indifference, one that I could go or not go and not lose any sleep one way or the other. This is where the guilt comes in. Last night is a perfect example. I'm sitting four rows back, probably the greatest seats in the house, at the Incubus concert. While I am enjoying the show, I'm still sitting in my posh seats, looking up in the nosebleed section at those die-hard fans and feeling so guilty that they can't be sitting where I'm sitting. It really takes away from my fun at the show, the guilt.

This hurricane just needs to go away. It needs to stop disrupting everyone's lives. The hurricane, our little reminder that this earth is not ours to control, not ours to destroy. It is more powerful than we ever will be.

It's Hump Day. So get humping. Get your hump on.

posted at 10:09 AM

Monday, September 13, 2004

Bob Schneider Rocks My World

So the show was awesome. Just as predicted by Jessie. I would put it in my top 5 favorite shows ever seen. Maybe top 3. I just don't know... It was awesome. He is awesome.

It was, overall, an excellent weekend...

Friday - Todd and I had dinner and played cards with his parents. I love card games. Poker, Hearts, etc. Good times. I really enjoy spending time with his family. This is a good thing.

Saturday was a great day. Todd came over early on Saturday morning and woke me up. We had some 'veg' time, I did a little laundry and perusing through my Whole Foods cookbook, then we headed to WF for lunch and some shopping. And man, did I shop! First, WF is carrying a new Vitamin Water flavor -- Essential Orange (a-z) and it is awesome. Also, I can't wait to make this sweet jalapeno BBQ sauce from the WF cookbook. It requires about 97 ingredients which will make it perfect and, subsequently, it was expensive. Oh well. It sounds delish! And the turkey-sage-pine nut meat balls! Can't wait to make those either! Let the cooking begin.

After the shopping we headed to the pool for some more R&R while we waited for Sam to arrive to accompany us to the hockey game and concert. So the three of us were off to the hockey game. As Todd is coming out of the locker room to head onto the ice he stops by the stands and says, "Brad Lukowich is playing on the other team tonight. He plays for the Tampa Bay Lightning, the NHL team that won the Stanley Cup last year." He was so excited. Apparently, Brad is friends with one of the players on the team, was in town, and wanted to play. So he did. This was the first time I've seen Todd's team lose a game, but it was a good game. I've never seen Todd so excited to lose a game, either. He was bouncing off the walls. He's just too cute I tell you, too cute. :)

And then there was the concert. Greatness. A shit drive home, but a great show.

Sunday, we thought we lost Lily (again), but after searching the apartment through and through, and searching the courtyard and banging on neighbor's doors, she appeared out of nowhere. She has a hiding place in my apartment that is...well...hidden. That little...CAT. I love her, though. I really do. So after "finding" her, we headed to the lake to sun and spend some time on the jet ski. Todd's family is very athletic. His whole family, mom included. I, as we all know, am not. And I've told them this. All of them. They still wanted me to play volleyball, throw the little frisbee around. And now they know for certain. I am doubtful that they'll recruit me for a traveling family sports league of any kind. You might be asking yourself, "How hard could it be to throw a frisbee?" Well, it's not easy, my friends. It's not easy. I have said time and time again that I enjoy golf because the ball is stationary when you come into contact with it. Now quit throwing objects at my face.

I got in the lake water, too. A couple of times. I am overcoming fears left and right.

Last night, we tried to watch "Love Liza", starring Philip Seymour Hoffman. I fell asleep (surprise) but found what I DID watch to be very depressing. This guy's wife kills herself and he copes with it by sniffing gasoline and showing up at remote control car/plane/boat tournaments or something. I mean, it was strange. A little depressing. But I still want to see the end of it. Kathy Bates is in it, too. Check it out. I'll finish it and provide a full review. On second thought, maybe I won't finish it.

I got to talk to Emma, my niece, on the phone yesterday. She lives in Florida. She told me all about the hurricane, and how they're expecting another one. A boy one. She was watching Nemo, her favorite movie. And she's tired of the rain. She's four, and she talks like an eight year old. I tried to talk to Bailey, my nephew, a couple of times this weekend, too. But he's not into talking on the phone too much lately. Already, you can see the differences between male and female forming...

Just in case I don't make another post for a week or so, all I've got going on this week is some cooking, some cleaning, some working, and Todd and I are taking his brother to the Incubus concert tomorrow night. That should be fun.

Happy Monday!

I hope everyone else had a good weekend.

posted at 1:27 PM

Friday, September 10, 2004

So much.

There's so much going on. I don't know where to start. It only makes sense to just section it all off and provide you, my readers, with an update.

I'm planning my $#*@-ing high school reunion. Ten years. It's in a month, and we're just now getting started. I hope you heard me say "we" because, under no circumstances would I be doing this on my own. What a whip. Also, just to cover off on one more thing -- GROW UP, PEOPLE! Expand your world! Open your eyes! Just generally speaking here, of course.

My Dwelling, My Pad.
My lease is up at the end of October, and they're raising my rent. "They", the Tuscan Villas. They're so...not Italian. Anyway, I've been pressuring myself to find a place to live -- a place in a part of Dallas that I'd actually like to live, if I've got to stay here. Somewhere near Lakewood/Midtown/Uptown/or somesuch. I've looked everywhere. I've sufficiently frustrated myself. I've considered living in a storage building. I've considered selling my body. But what I've decided to do is sign yet another six month lease at the Villas and look for a place to buy. Yes, you heard me kids... buy. Freaks me out a little bit. But I've got to. Taxes will eat me alive if I don't buy something or procreate. When I told Todd this, he said, "So you're saying you want me to give you a baby..." I thought that was some funny shit. But, I guess you really had to be there for that one. HA!

The Great Debate
Sting/Annie Lennox...Austin City Limits....? We just can't decide what to do -- there's the work schedule, the late night driving, the tickets, the mania. I've never had to make a decision with so many variables to consider. Sucks.


Is grand. I've not smiled so much in years. I keep waiting for the newness to wear off, and it never does. It's absolute bliss.

This Weekend
- Going to the lake for a little jet ski action.
- Going to see Bob Schneider.
- Sam's coming in. And he's bringing Sam, I think. Sammity Sam Sam!
- Tonight there will be drinks and cards and hot tub and good food.
- Tomorrow I will make no plans until I have to be at the hockey game at 5:00. I'm not even going to worry that Sammity Sam Sam will see my house in an unkempt state. I am going balls to the wall, hair on fire crazy!
- I will not be looking for a new place to live this weekend.

- My friend April, in her most Southern Lady accent, said to us yesterday, "Me? A prostitute on Harry Hines? Oh hell, there isn't enough hand sanitizer in the world for that."
- Same friend April and I went to lunch with Maili and baby Rachel today. I tried to steal Rachel, to bring her home with me. But moms are keenly aware of that shit. They know when people are trying to take their babies. Must be some sort of sixth sense or something...Like ESPN.
- Some people just don't know where hay comes from. And that's okay.
- Family comes first. No matter what.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

posted at 1:02 PM

Wednesday, September 08, 2004


This is this year's Christmas card. Caption, "Happy Birthday to me!!!!"

posted at 11:12 AM


We buried him. And gave him boobs.

posted at 11:11 AM


Look who we ran into.

posted at 11:10 AM


Digging a hole is fun.

posted at 11:08 AM


Sand everywhere.

posted at 11:08 AM

Thursday, September 02, 2004


I am a terrible mother.

I know I've gone back to this story before, but when my nephew was born, I was responsible for capturing the first bath at the hospital on film. I slept right through it. After Holly and Bailey went home, I stayed with them a few days, and slept through every early morning feeding wake-up call. Holly likes to tell me, often, how I'm going to be a terrible mother.

And last night, I was reminded of this fact again.

Todd came over last night. I wasn't feeling well, so we ate dinner then vegged out on the couch in front of the TV. I fell asleep before The Daily Show even started (curses!), and woke up to Todd telling me he was going home, and that he was a little concerned about Lily, as he hadn't seen her in quite some time.

Back up a little bit. At night, I leave the door to the balcony open so that Lily can sit out there in the chair and listen to the fountain. She loves the sound of water, loves sleeping out there. If I'm out there with her, as I've written about before, she will cross through the bars and onto the ledge for a little adventure. But she always comes back.

Well last night she didn't. Todd and I scoured the courtyard area beneath my apartment, we checked under the bed and in the cabinets inside the house, we couldn't find her anywhere. Of course, I was paranoid that she fell, and hurt herself, and had gone to "hide" to heal. That's what cats do. At least, that's what Lily does. Then, I became paranoid that someone had seen her, in all her beauty and glory, and taken her inside their home where there were fields of catnip and treats and brooks of running water and paper balls...and that she'd never come back.

So I told Todd that I'd sit up and wait for her, that he should go home and sleep. Reluctantly, he did. I sat in the chair outside, waiting for her. I moved to the couch and slept off and on, waking up to what I thought were the sounds of her eating or playing in the dining room, only to find the door still open with no Lily inside.

Finally, at about 4:45 this morning, I woke up from my napping (I was fully clothed, just in case I had to run for her), and heard her meow. Her meowing actually woke me up, Holly! I can be a mother! Anyway -- she was outside, downstairs. I took off running, barefoot, out the door, down the hall, down the stairs, right into some dog shit. Between my toes, all over my foot. It was fresh and it was loose. I didn't care though...I saw her -- on the patio of the person's apartment directly below mine. She was scared at first, but glad to see me. To make a long story short, I got her after quite a bit of baby talk and negotiation. I am a persuasive speaker.

I hugged her tightly and carried her back home. And I noticed she smelled like another woman's perfume. Clearly, she was being held hostage that entire time that Todd and I were looking for her. Maybe this "someone" was just trying to take care of her while I was being negligent. Maybe this "someone" got tired of her around midnight or so and kicked her to the curb. Who knows, all I know is that I have that angel back and she's never going outside again.

posted at 9:52 AM