Friday, January 30, 2004


I'm headed out of town for a nice, relaxing weekend. Sometimes, you just need to rejuvenate. Breathe in...Breathe out...

I hope everyone else has a good one, too.

posted at 12:35 PM

Monday, January 26, 2004


Can you hear my teeth chattering? It's very cold in Maine. Very cold. But at least there's snow. And it really is beautiful.

I had a great dinner tonight... oysters on the half-shell... tried a new wine that was wonderful... fresh fish... Yum, yum, yum. Lobster tomorrow.

Travel wasn't bad -- no delays, but terrible weather the whole trip. I'm glad to be on the ground and in my warm room, ready to snuggle up with my book and get some rest.

Sweet dreams.

posted at 10:08 PM

Sunday, January 25, 2004

Big, Blubbering Fish

I went to see "Big Fish" this afternoon, per my brother's insistence. What a great movie. I wouldn't classify this movie as a "sad" movie, at least not by my normal standards. It was a great movie. But for some reason, I cried the whole way through it -- every thirty minutes or so, just sitting there, tearing up like a big baby.

Sometimes, I let things build up...I go without talking about things for a long time. I've got them all straightened out in my mind, but sometimes my heart falls behind a little bit. And sometimes it takes a movie or a TV commercial or something very tiny to trigger that release that my heart is needing. I think that's what happened today. I think that my tear ducts need some sort of audio/visual stimulation that can only happen when I'm alone and in a meditative state. (Yes, movies and TV commercials put me in a meditative state.) Whatever...the point is, the Big Fish did it.

Of course, nothing is wrong. Not to worry. And I had a wonderful day. This type of thing only happens once or twice a year, so of course I had to write about it.

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend. Mine was terribly productive, yet sleep-deprived. I didn't get one night of uninterrupted sleep the entire weekend. Last night, it was fire alarms and smoke detectors -- the entire apartment complex -- all of them going off simultaneously, including the ones in my apartment. There was no smoke, there were no flames. I have no idea what the hell was going on, but by God they better not wake me up tonight or someone's going to have a pretty crazy, sleep-deprived bitch on his or her hands.

Just kidding. I wish I were that crazy!

posted at 7:30 PM

The Youth of the Nation

As most of you know, I help with the youth group at my church. This involves meeting twice a month where we have dinner, a discussion about something relevant to high school kids, play games, etc. We also have one "monthly event", usually something like bowling, movie night, going to the homeless shelter, etc. This month's event was last night -- a ball that's held every year at the cathedral downtown -- all the kids get dressed up, we go to dinner, and I get to watch them have fun, laugh, and shake what their mamas gave em'. (I can't lie here -- I was shakin' a little bit of what my mama gave me, too. Music moves me, what can I say?)

Thing is, I don't think I'm such a great role model for these kids. I'm always slipping up -- saying or doing something that's just not "Youth Group Leaderlike". For example, for the past few weeks we've been playing "Spoons", a really competitive card game which we all love. And, let's face it, I'm the champion of that game. No one can beat me. Well, last week, in another heated game of spoons, when one of the kids tried to push the spoons completely off the table so that I couldn't get one, I yelled "You are SO going to hell for that!" You should have seen the looks on their faces. It's just a phrase I use quite a bit, a figure of speech, if you will. Same thing as someone saying, "I'm going to kill you". You know that the person saying that is not, in fact, going to KILL you. Regardless of my defense, it just wasn't the appropriate thing to say in a youth group meeting.

Last night I slipped up quite a bit. Starting at dinner when all the food was served and I dug into my salad and yummy garlic cheese bread (I was starving) while the kids sat there and stared at me, finally asking, "Aren't you going to pray before we eat?" Jesus! Those kids are like drill sergeants! They know ALL the rules!

I'm always anticipating a call from one of the parents after an event like this. I can just hear it now... "Lauri, I wanted to talk to you about something you said to my daughter last night..." I would have no defense. Maybe just, "Lighten up a little, will ya? If they've never heard three cuss words used in one sentence before, it's high time they started hearing it!" "I'm giving them a little taste of the REAL WORLD, folks!"

Regardless of my faults, I do enjoy my time with them. They're good kids. So what if they pick up a few new, catchy phrases and a new passionate vocabulary as a result of being with me? Maybe even some new dance moves. I mean, you just never know when they're watching, paying attention... taking notes, or have you under secret video surveillance. I've got to be on my toes! Silence the inner voice! Get control of this wild woman inside of me! Then, when they're back from college, I'll take them out and show them how to drink like a big kid.

The world should consider itself warned that yes, I too want to procreate one day. Have one of my own. I will be a parent one day. And this should scare the living shit out of you.

posted at 9:40 AM

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Silent night, broken night
All is fallen when you take your flight
I found some hate for you
Just for show
You found some love for me
Thinking I'd go
Don't keep me from crying to sleep
Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, moonlit night
Nothing's changed
Nothing is right
I should be stronger than weeping alone
You should be weaker than sending me home
I can't stop you fighting from sleep
Sleep in heavenly peace

"Silent Night" - Damien Rice

posted at 9:41 AM


I don't know what's going on. I just woke up on my couch, fully clothed from work on Friday. I have no idea what time I fell asleep. I vaguely remember a conversation with Kelly... I looked on my cell phone and it seems that conversation took place around 8:35. I have no recollection of what we discussed, though.

So now it's 2:34 am. And I am wide awake. And wanting coffee, although I'm working very hard to deny this craving. I'm thinking of all kinds of stuff to do, errands to run. But nothing is open. This sucks.

I'm going to take a bath. Perhaps that will put me into a snuggly, sleepy slumber; launch me into dreamland.

If not, I'll be up and smellin' good.

posted at 2:42 AM

Friday, January 23, 2004

Random Shiznit.

I'm so busy today. I worked until about midnight last night (at home, thankfully.) Getting prepared for my trip to Maine next week. I honestly don't think I've ever been in such a bad place, mentally, as I am right now with regard to work travel. I'm usually excited about the change of scenery, getting out of the office. But it's freezing ass cold up there! And I'm just not ready to go yet. I need another week to prepare.

I'm going with two friends from work, though, who I think will make this trip fun for me. Two people whose company I really enjoy -- they make me laugh, make me think, and sometimes whip me into shape when I need it. They're never whipping me into shape at work. They're usually giving really good, sound advice about things happening in my personal life. I like most of the people I work with here at the vision. It's one thing this place has going for it. The one thing. The people.

I'm throwing myself into my work. I hate people who do that.
I love fortune cookies. Thankfully, I also love Chinese food, so I'm not forced to buy fortune cookies in a big bulk package just to get the fortunes. Because the truth is, the cookie itself sucks. Today's fortune is a great one:

Your dreams are never silly;
depend on them to guide you.

Well. Interesting. I wish you (the reader) could see my dreams. Even when I am explaining them to people, I feel that the listener still does not understand, nor can they comprehend how vivid, colorful, and real they are. I smell things in my dreams. I feel things -- temperatures, textures, etc. They're really wonderful. I think it's because my mind is never at rest. Always working overtime.

So the thought of these dreams guiding me -- my thoughts, my decisions, my convictions. It's just an interesting thought. All this from a freakin' fortune cookie.

posted at 2:35 PM

Thursday, January 22, 2004


Time to time, minutes and hours.
Some move ahead, while some lag behind.

If there's one thing I know, it's when "it's time". I know when it's time to say goodbye. I know when it's time to leave. I know when it's time to stop. I know when it's time to let go. I just get a feeling. Then there's no turning back. And there's no stopping me.

My family knows this. My closest friends definitely know this. Most have just learned to let me go when that "time" comes, and not ask any questions. They know that I will always come back.

I just need my time. Time to think. Time to feel. Time to understand.

Time to move on.

posted at 3:06 PM

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Food, Folks, and Fun.

I tried to make a good dinner last night... Something went wrong with the entree. The ingredients were all good. I don't know what happened. Gnocchi with two sauces -- one tomato-based, one pesto-based. It just sucked.

But I did make some excellent bruschetta as an appetizer. I cooked my tomatoes in some olive oil and white wine, added some fresh basil and crushed red pepper, a little salt. I used a fresh French baguette from WF, of course. Mozzarella on top, of course.

Then there were the stuffed portobello mushrooms from WF. I didn't make those, I bought them. They are so good. Marinated in balsamic vinegar, stuffed with roasted tomatoes and goat cheese. Yum. They're so wonderful.

I don't know where this love of cooking came from, out of the blue? Over the past year, I'd say... I know it's in my blood. I come from a long line of excellent cooks. I've always known HOW to cook, but I've never enjoyed it as much as I do now. Is this biological clock-related? God, I hope not.

That's all I've got for you, other than the food report.

posted at 10:59 AM

Sunday, January 18, 2004

Capsized and Comatised

What a weekend...

Friday night, the blind date that's been rescheduled a dozen times. A really nice dinner, really nice conversation, really nice everything, really. Nice. I think I'll leave it at that for now. A few glasses of wine and so many apple martinis it takes two hands to count them. Good Lord! Fun.

Saturday. Perfect weather. I've typed and erased so much, sitting here, that I'm taking it as a sign that I should probably not write what I want to write. Not even a recap. And I don't like feeling that way. Censored. Let's just say it was a good day...

...which turned into a great evening! A spontaneous trip to Shreveport with Doug and Kelly. Doug taught me craps. Doug gave me another addiction. Doug is my "padnah", as my dad used to say. I am a winner. You heard me. A winner.

So I'm tired.
Hello couch. I love you.

posted at 2:33 PM

Thursday, January 15, 2004

Listen to her.

She's just...lovely. The music is just...beautiful. Delicate. Fresh. Enchanting.

I finally downloaded one of her whole albums from iTunes, after buying songs one at a time for the past few days. She's got all my money. And she deserves it.

Thanks, Louie.
This is "How Sweet", hands down my favorite on this album. I think you have to hear her sing "oh-oh" to really appreciate this song. MMmmmmm....

I'm letting it go
Gonna tear it apart
Go back to the start
Pull the strings of my little heart
Gonna build it right back
To a castle not a shack
With the sun across my back
Are you ready...

Oh, stay with your lady
Lay, just come back and save me
Stay, it's so slow with me honey
But oh..
How sweet, how sweet, how sweet life could be

Time falls like snow
On the tip of my tongue
When it's gone it's gone
Now help me, you're gone

Where did you go?
Did you tear it apart?
Now you're back at the start
Now there's nothing here left
Of my broken heart

Stay, stay with your lady
Play, just come back and save me
Stay, it's so slow with me honey
But oh
How sweet, how sweet, how sweet life could be
How sweet, how sweet, how sweet life would be

When I'm walking down the street
I can hear the rhythm and the music and the beat of his feet
I know I'll find you there
Tied up in some other conversation, frustration
But it just won't be mine

Stay, stay with your lady
Play, just come back and save me
Lay, it's so slow with me honey
But oh
How sweet, how sweet, how sweet life could be

posted at 8:44 PM

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

For the love of God!

Here we go again.
My life is nothing if not eventful.
And cyclical, really, if you think about it.

I'm tempted...
But I care too much.

posted at 2:48 PM

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Good luck with your surgery tomorrow, Mama.
It'll all be juuuuuust fiiiiiiine.
Love you.

posted at 4:07 PM

Vulgar, Gross, Bathroomspeak.

When you wipe, do you fold your toilet paper or bunch it?
And which do you think saves the most paper?

posted at 9:05 AM

Sunday, January 11, 2004

I'm supposed to be cleaning my apartment, getting organized for the week. Clearly, I am not on task.

To make a very long story short, I stumbled across a web site that I thought I'd share with you. It all started when a friend suggested that I take a look at This is a great site -- for job searching, buying or selling things, finding a roommate -- all kinds of stuff. One thing it's NOT good for is finding a date. NOT that I was looking for a date. I was just surfing around the site, checking it out. And the personals are awful. Funny Strange, not Funny Ha-Ha.

Okay, back to the original idea. This is crazy. These two brothers have organized an effort to have random things mailed to their mother. Postcards, bottlecaps, something different each month. She knows nothing about it. It's very organized. And people from all over the country are doing it -- filling up her mailbox with the prescribed item of the month. One of the guys has a blog where he posts some of the conversations he has with his mom, when she calls and explains all the strange mail she's getting. Of course, he acts like he knows nothing about it. Isn't that funny? Like Funny Ha-Ha.

My mother would kill me.

When I was in junior high a friend of mine and I used to call the numbers for "free samples" of things and have them mailed to certain people in our school. Or teachers. Tons of KY Jelly samples. Condoms. Tampons and maxi pads. You know, stupid junior high humor. I had completely forgotten about that until now. Come to think of it, no one ever said, "I'm getting all these CONDOMS in the mail" or anything. Damn it.

"Tampons" doesn't make it through the Blogger spell check. What is up with that?

posted at 10:29 PM

First, I guess I have to admit to going to see (a.k.a. paying money to see) "Chasing Liberty" before I can make the bold statement that I'm going to make below. I kept hearing on the radio, "Never has an actor made a debut of this magnitude since Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise."

Well, ladies, they were right.

The young man who stars in this movie is now #2 on "The List". Not really ready to be number one, but I'm afraid that Michael is going to have to move to number three to make room for Matthew Goode who, let's just be honest, is the best thing since sliced bread. (Click on that little flipbook for more photos of him. Yummy!)

You can watch the movie trailer here, so that you can hear that sexy voice of his.

I'm smitten. Can't wait to see something else from him in 2004.

posted at 5:03 PM

Saturday, January 10, 2004

Jeremiah was a bullfrog
Was a good friend of mine
I never understood a single word he said
But I helped him a-drink his wine
And he always had some mighty fine wine

Where, exactly, does one FIND a bullfrog like this Jeremiah?

posted at 11:08 AM

Friday, January 09, 2004

My Sweet Baby Joe's Green Chile Chicken Stew Recipe

8 cups of water
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
2 (6-ounce) skinned chicken breast halves
2 bay leaves
4 cups (1/2-inch) cubed red potato (about 1 1/2 pounds)
1 1/2 cups chopped onion (about 1 large)
1/2 cup thinly sliced carrot
2 teaspoons minced fresh cilantro
2 teaspoons paprika
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cumin
3 (4.5 ounce) cans chopped green chiles (or you can use fresh)
1 (14.5 ounce) can no salt added diced tomatoes, undrained
1 (10 ounce) can diced tomatoes and green chiles (like rotel)
1/2 cup evaporated fat free milk
Shredded extra sharp cheddar cheese

1. Combine first 5 ingredients in a dutch oven (a pot or with a tight-fitting lid). Bring to a boil; cook 10 minutes. Remove from heat.
2. Remove chicken from broth; remove chicken from bones, discard bones. Cut meat into bite-sized pieces; return to broth. Discard bay leaves.
3. Add potato and next 9 ingredients (everything else but the milk and cheese) to broth. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat, simmer 50 minutes or until potato is done.
4. Remove from heat, stir in milk.
5. Add shredded cheese to each serving.

posted at 3:00 PM

Happy Birthday, Dave.

Great article.

Weather is supposed to be nice this weekend.
It's Friday.
Be thankful today.
More later.

posted at 9:53 AM

Thursday, January 08, 2004

Mama needs a new pair of shoes!

For some reason, lately, cards (card games, specifically) have been coming up all over the place in my life. First, my brilliant idea over the holidays of putting together a poker night/poker group. Second, finding out from a friend that he's been regularly playing poker and working diligently on his poker face -- trying not to smile really big when he's dealt a great hand. (This is just the cutest thing, in my opinion.) Third, playing "Spite and Malice" (one of my all time favorite 2-person card games) with a friend at my place last week. Fourth, actually getting the poker night organized at work yesterday, and getting a great response. And then finally, last night, playing "Spoons" with my youth group, which turned into a highly competitive, physical sport by the end of the evening. I won, of course. Those kids just need to give up when it comes to playing games with me.

When was the last time you played "Spoons"? That is such a great game! I bet it's been 15 years since I've played. Love it.

So I've got about 10 people interested at work in my poker night. Of course, not all of them will be able to make it every time, so it will probably end up being a good number each month. If everyone does show, we've decided to get two tables going on at once. We haven't decided on what the "regular" game will be yet. But when we have enough for two tables, the second table will be dealer's choice.

I've suggested dime and quarter betting, as we know how out of hand gambling can get. Especially when I'm playing. I'll be the first to admit that I need some boundaries. Most people agreed to this. Some want "the other table" to have some higher stakes. We'll see.

Others are interested in just getting together and drinking heavily. Those are definitely the people I want at my table. So, it's BYOB. The person hosting will provide the snacks and what-not. I'm excited.

I think people these days don't appreciate the beauty of a good card game. The joys of dominoes. Even board games. This is good, old fashioned fun.

Now, first things first. I've got to learn HOW to play poker. :)

posted at 9:12 AM

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

This is all I can muster.
What does "muster" mean?

I've been neglecting the blog.

I've been busy.
Work started full speed ahead after the holidays.
So much for that "work less" resolution.
I am still eating chocolate and other goodies like the holidays haven't ended.

It's a full moon tonight.

I think I have some sort of hormonal imbalance.

It's too freakin' cold outside to do anything.
It's definitely too cold to get out of bed.
It's even colder stepping out of the shower.

I like playing cards.

How many more days until Saturday????

posted at 12:48 PM

Sunday, January 04, 2004

Come On Baby, Light My Fire

Just don't call me baby.

So yesterday, Kelly and I decided to make a trip to a day spa in the area to treat ourselves to some much needed relaxation. We found a great place. A small day spa that offered the works. We both got manicures and pedicures. She opted for a facial while I got an hour long massage with reflexology. It truly was the best massage I've ever had -- one of those that seemed to last hours. (Usually, I've got part of my mind on the massage and one eye on the clock, looking to see how much time I've got left. So the fact that I was completely relaxed and enjoying it was a new thing for me.)

So enough about that stuff. The most memorable part of this trip was this. The bathroom had a toilet that doubled as a bidet and God knows what else. There were so many lights and buttons on that thing, I thought it was going to launch me into space with my shorts and panties around my ankles. (Note, yes, I was wearing shorts in January. What is UP with this weather?) Of course, I didn't use the bidet. Something about a public bidet...hmmm...just doesn't sound right. What I enjoyed the most was the heated toilet seat.

First, for all you girls out there who are squatters, you'd never realize the beauty of this heated toilet seat, you'd never know it was there! That, and, I'd be a little afraid that you might electrocute yourself with this thing if your aim is off with that squatting of yours.

Second, why aren't more things in this world heated for our pleasure? The toilet seat. That's just genius, in my book. But, quite frankly, I want to see more heat. Mostly, in the arena of healthcare. I know that when I worked for the OB/GYN, we heated our speculums. (Don't worry, girls, they're not HOT. Just a little warm. Just a little light in that drawer under the table you don't know about, heating them up for you.) This is a step in the right direction. Next, I want to see some progress on the following:

Mammogram machines
Now, I've never gotten a mammogram myself, but I know the process and the fact that the machine is freezing and painful. At least take care of the freezing part.

Don't put that thing on my chest or back without some heat on it first.

The Doctor's Office
Why is it so freakin' cold in there? All of them? Cold. And half the time, you're naked with some sorry excuse for a paper gown on. Just sitting there shivering. Maybe it has something to do with germs and the temperature at which they multiply. I don't care. And in he walks with a cold stethoscope hanging around his neck, just waiting to attack.

The Doctor's Hands
Okay, so she just washed them. You're glad for that. You're appreciative that she's not going to touch you with hands that just gave a rectal exam or something. Clearly, though, she didn't have time to use the hot water to do the washing, there's just not enough time to wait for that water to heat up. Cold water, cold hands. And you know they're always going to touch you for something. Unless you're there for a rash, in which case, she just wants to look at it. I think the hands would be warmer if it wasn't 52 degrees in the room.

X-ray Machines
Same as the mammogram. And you're shit out of luck if your leg is numb, because they want you naked and ON that machine so they can x-ray your back, your side, your legs, you name it. Couple of shots on each. FREEZING. And, of course, you are expected to remain VERY, VERY still during the x-ray process. I swear to God, the last time I had x-rays, the tech said, "Ma'am, you're going to have to control the shivering, I'm not getting clear shots."

Pretty Much Anything Made of Metal in the Office/Room.
And you know it all is. Everything's made of clean, shiny, freezing-ass-cold metal. Again, due to the room temperature.

If we could just get some of these things HEATED, then it would be an overall more pleasurable experience. I don't think it's too much to ask, given what we pay to visit these places. I didn't have to pay too much for my day of relaxation, it was all very reasonably priced. But you know what I got for that money?

A heated toilet seat.
A heated massage table.
A heated (and massaging) spa pedicure chair.

Really, the most uncomfortable part was (and always is) when she asked me to hold my freshly painted base coat on my nails in front of that 4-inch diameter fan for a quick drying.
Now, that was a little chilly.

posted at 9:39 AM

Friday, January 02, 2004


Spoon in spoon
Stirring my coffee
I thought of you
And turned to the gate
On my way came up with the answers
I scratched my head
And the answers were gone

From hand to hand
Wrist to the elbow
Red blood sand
Could Dad be God
Crosses crossed hung out like a wet rag
Forgive you why
You hung me out to dry

Maybe I'm crazy
But laughing out loud makes the pain pass by
And maybe you're a little crazy
But laughing out loud makes it all subside

Holding I'm holding
I'm still falling, I'm still falling

Spoon in spoon
Stirring my coffee
I thought of this
And turned to the gate
But on my way, crack
Lightning and thunder
I hid my head
And the storm slipped away

Well maybe I'm crazy
But laughing out loud makes it all pass by
And maybe you're a little crazy
And laughing out loud makes it all alright
Laughing out loud

From time to time
Minutes and hours
Some move ahead while
Some lag behind
It's like the balloon that
Rise and then vanish
This drop of hope
That falls from his eyes

Spoon in spoon
Stirring my coffee
I think of this
And turn to go away
But as I walk
There are voices behind me saying
Sinners sin
Come now and play

Come now and play.

posted at 11:37 AM

Back to Work.

I woke up this morning and felt like it was my first day of school. I jumped out of bed, excited for some reason. Excited to get back to work? No, not so much. I think I was just excited to get back into a routine of sorts. A schedule, if you will. I've loved my time off, but I never realized how much I really need some routine and monotony in my life. I think this is why when I actually do something spontaneous, I love it so much. Because most of the time, I require a lot of routines, rhythm, and predictability.

Speaking of things predictable...
There's been way too much in my life lately that has been out of my control. While it's happening, I love it. I hate to love it. But I have to be honest with myself and admit that I need the control. Some control. I'm willing to share it; I don't want all of it. But I need some of it. None just won't work. So. More control this year. That way when I'm out of control, it, too, feels so good.

How Lauri Kicked Off the New Year
I don't have New Year's Resolutions. I just have a list of things that are actually happening, as a result of the new year.

1 - My first meal ended with a grammatically incorrect fortune cookie message. Something about happiness, I don't remember what it said because I was so distracted by the errors on the little piece of paper. So, of course, I didn't play the lotto numbers on the back. I mean, how good could they be, considering?
2 - I spilled a container of sugar all over my kitchen floor. I don't think I have to explain to you what a BITCH this is, especially if it's happened to you before. At least it wasn't flour. Or bacon grease. Now, that would be bad. It's good to look for positives in your misery.
3 - I didn't shave my armpits for two days. I really thought that this was something I could do, but I cannot. I am a loser. I am clearly NOT a granola girl.
4 - Counting. My God is there a better time to start counting things than a new year? "How many times this year have I done 'x'?" I've done it for two days now. I've got all kinds of lists and counts going. Damn it! Make it go away!
5 - Writing. Man, have I written. Thankfully, I'm filling up the journals like a madwoman.
6 - Craving. For some reason, I've been craving all kinds of foods for the past two days. This must go away. Or I will have to add "gaining" to my list.
7 - Reading. Well, this really isn't any different than last year. Jesus, it's hard to come up with a list like this. I'm going to stop over-achieving this year. Let 2004 be The Year of Under-Achievement for the Golf Girl. Who needs a stupid list like this anyway? (Throwing hands in air and making that airy, fart noise with mouth.)
(Which, by the way, is virtually impossible to type in letters, or using written words, only actual sounds can explain the noise.)


posted at 9:07 AM

Thursday, January 01, 2004

Happy New Year.

posted at 10:19 AM