Sunday, November 30, 2003

Some new music for you tonight. If you haven't heard her, you should. "Matinee" and "Say When" are my favorites. I've posted the lyrics below to "Say When" because I like them so much. Click on her name below to listen.

"Say When" by Liz Pappademas

His watered down kisses at the end of the night do me no good
'Cause he's already shut off the light, as if everything, as if everything, was understood
Sweet words come in and out and fade with the morning
Anti-climactic cliches blare the warning
Hold back, don't call, give in, don't fall, be late, let him, let fate, Say When
Hold back, don't call, give in, don't fall, be late, let him, let fate, Say When
My finger is poised with the dial tone and I want him so bad
But in the past when I've acted on instinct I've been disappointed, disappointed with the aftermath
So I'm gonna walk home alone tonight
and wish I may and wish he might
But I can only wait so long
and I can only write so many love-related, dedicated-to-him songs
Hold back, don't call, give in, don't fall, be late, let him, let fate, Say When
Hold back, don't call, give in, don't fall, be late, let him, let fate, Say When
Oh forget it I'm giving, giving up on you
I'm saying when and you do whatever the hell you want to
'Cause I deserve better than this lackadaisical love
and I'll find someone else who won't forget and pour above the lip of my cup

Say When, Say When, Say When

posted at 8:25 PM

Well, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and that you're all getting terribly excited about the thought of returning to work tomorrow morning. I know I am. I just can't WAIT to walk back into that office. Whoo hoo!

I had a great Thanksgiving. I was thankful, mindful, thankful. And I gained about 27 pounds.

The Damien Rice show was excellent. (Speaking of rice, I had a few drinks before the show. I usually don't like to drink before shows like that. But the spirit moved me and I was feeling pretty damned good.) It was a good evening overall. I didn't lose anything (like I thought I did), and I didn't gain anything (like I thought I would), but there's a time and place for everything, I guess. Damien Rice puts on a good show. I was smiling ear to ear the entire time. I was in my happy place.

posted at 4:51 PM

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

It's 74 degrees outside.

posted at 3:33 PM

We might kiss
When we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out
When nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate

That's what I'm listening to now...Those lyrics have meant something different to me in a couple of different life situations lately. Or not-so-lately... I think it's the last line that means the most... It's just that it's delicate. I love that.

So I've purchased the tickets to the Damien Rice show on Friday. I'm very excited. I will get giddy and not be able to contain my excitement when that song is performed...along with a few others. When I'm excited, it's full-body excitement. It's seeping from my skin and shows in my face and through my actions as if I were five years old. I feel that way today. A little antsy, a little excited.

So it's Thanksgiving eve. Should I not eat all day long, to save up for the Big Fat Meal tomorrow? No...that will only allow me to eat less. I'll eat several small meals today in preparation for the ritual that is Thanksgiving dinner. I will be fat. And I will like it.

I realized last night, after a conversation with my cousin, that I am ready for a change in my life. A big change. This is not an itch that will be eased with cutting my hair or buying new furniture...this is real. I need something big. Something soon. Change is good. Very good.

posted at 9:31 AM

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

We live in a beautiful world, yeah we do, yeah we do.

I can't think of anything to write today.

Am I the only person who finds it strange that you can get a complete tuna lunch kit out of a vending machine? You can also get one of those little six packs of chocolate covered donuts that can be thrown up against the wall and bounced back to you like a rubber ball. There are times when I cannot walk past the vending machine with my oatmeal in one hand... going for the hot water... without putting some cash into the machine and opting for the rubber donuts instead. This takes will power and discipline. Is there a Twelve-Step for this?

I had fantasies about killing a client today. But it's okay, because I also had fantasies about a Subway sandwich for lunch.

This morning, I was so distracted in the shower that I don't think I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair. Obviously, I got some of it out. But I didn't do the complete rinse ritual. Don't get any crazy ideas, I was distracted by my thoughts. Heavy thinking in the shower today. Bad hair Tuesday.

Someone visited my blog today using the search phrase, "panties on the massage table" today. I love that shit.

posted at 2:07 PM

Monday, November 24, 2003

Can't focus.

Is it possible to have tennis elbow if you don't play tennis? I'm in a lot of pain. There is a pain shooting to my elbow. I could be having a heart attack, I guess. It is the left arm. But it's definitely the elbow. Definitely for two days now.

I buy way too much music on this cursed iTunes.
I buy way too much stuff from J Crew online. They just keep sending me these emails! Now, it's 30% off sleepwear. I don't even wear sleepwear. But I'm sure there will be something there that is a must-have.

Is Wednesday night ever going to get here? I get to see Miss Emma! Surely she will talk to me the entire drive home about her recent adventures. Then B, probably Thursday morning, because he will be sweetly, perfectly sleeping when I get in. Mom will make the rolls. There will be bloody marys (maries?). There will be all kinds of carbs. There will be naps. There will be cards (the playing kind). Perhaps some gambling. There will be music. There will be overconsumption that I can live with -- of food and kisses and hugs and smiles and laughs. Inside jokes. Glances that speak 1,000 words -- a form of communication that only sister-sister or sister-brother or mother-daughter can truly understand. We have an unspoken language, my family. And that's strange for a group of people who likes to talk as much as we do.

I've determined that my elbow hurts because I've been using CTRL+C and CTRL+V over and over and over and over again testing links for this web site that controls my life for the next week. I'm not having a heart attack. Everyone calm down!

posted at 1:10 PM

Sunday, November 23, 2003

You're my girl, Britney!

I'm sitting here at 10:30 in the evening, on Sunday night, working. I've been working all day. Trying to get this site launched before Thanksgiving. It's probably not going to happen, but we're trying. So I decided to go out to iTunes to find some new music to listen to, to keep me awake. My normal mellow stuff isn't cutting it right now...

Let me start this next paragraph by stating, once again, that I'm not a lesbian. :) (That one's for Sam. And Will. And mom. Well, it's for all of you.)
So I used to have a real girl crush on Britney. Yeah, Jonathan gave me a poster of her which used to be up in my office until she really disappointed me with something like a terrible interview or an awful fashion decision. She was OFF the list.

Enter brilliant publicist. She's kissing Madonna. That was pretty cool. Now there's this new song she does with Madonna. It's pretty cool. And a very sexy song called "Breathe on Me". I think she's back on the list. Some of her music is really sexy. Some of it is awful, but some of it is really provocative.

So that's what I'm doing right now. Entering meta data for my client's medical specialties web pages, and listening to some sexy Brit-Brit music. (Welcome, by the way, to all of you google searchers, who have typed in "sex" and "Britney" in your search bar and landed on this site.)

Weekend... worked most of it. The rest of it was spent in a few-day closure conversation and string of events and activities that were inevitable. Closing yet another chapter in my life. I think... Some things never really end, if you know what I mean.

Some people have a more difficult time walking away than others. It's always interesting to see the way people react to situations. I seem to have some "situations" lately that all fall into a really nice, neat, common thread. A pattern, if you will.

posted at 10:35 PM

Friday, November 21, 2003

Have you ever walked to the front door of your home, lifted your arm and aimed your car's remote-entry device at your door knob, trying to unlock it? You probably haven't. I've done it more than once.

No, it's not strange. What's strange is, why don't I have a remote-entry key chain for my front door?

posted at 10:07 AM

On a bus, on a busted afternoon.

Just checked, and it appears as if the high today will be 80 degrees. It's November 21. Now, I'm not complaining -- 80 degrees is perfect weather in my book, but isn't that a little strange? I think I have this conversation with myself every year, so I guess it's not too out of the norm.

How old do you have to be, exactly, before your face stops breaking out as if you were 16 years old? Apparently 27 isn't old enough. If you're wearing orthodontics, I guess it makes it all the more fun and exciting, eh? Gives you a youthful appearance, if you will. I guess it's working for me, considering the fact that I received an e-mail from a handsome 21 year old who I met at a funeral earlier this week. I'm still not sure how to respond to that one...

I've had Lily, my cat, for about five years now. In those five years, I've probably lived in 6 or so apartments. I've never paid the pet deposit, and have always felt a little guilty about it. She doesn't make a mess or ruin things, she's just a good little girl. Last night when I got home, there was a notice on the door that I owe the $400 pet deposit, plus $20/month "pet rent" if I want to keep living with Lily in my apartment home. Caught. Busted. Damn. Of course I'll pay it. I don't know if I'm angry because I got caught or because I think it's just another excuse for them to swindle some cash out of me. Like the $50/month they want for reserved parking... I think I'm mad for both reasons. But, fair is fair. Policies and rules and contracts are there for a reason. I'm just embarrassed that I got caught, I think. I'm such a "play by the rules" kind of girl. Well, for the most part. ;)

It's the weekend, for most of you. I'll be working all weekend. Perhaps I'll try to find some time for fun. I'm sure I can work some in. Hope everyone else has a good one!

posted at 8:14 AM

Wednesday, November 19, 2003


After a TERRIBLE day at work yesterday, I went to the Badly Drawn Boy show at the Gypsy Tea Room last night. It was great. If you haven't heard this guy, you really should check him out. A good intro to his music would be the "About a Boy" soundtrack. He played some songs last night that I'd never heard -- some off the new album (which I purchased at the show, no doubt), and some really interesting covers, to which he made up his own lyrics...pretty funny and very good.

It amazes me how music puts me in my happy place. I committed a venial sin yesterday, though, by purchasing 5 new CDs at CD World when I went to pick up my tickets to the show. At least one or two of these albums are sure to fall by the wayside (what does that mean?) because of the mass purchase. I will resurrect them at a later date, of course, but tis just not fair to those poor little albums to neglect them in any way. ;) Actually, I'll have plenty of time to listen to all of them on my two hour drive home and back today for a funeral I must attend. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

posted at 10:11 AM

Monday, November 17, 2003

Love it.

Jeff Buckley. A friend let me borrow his CD. I've heard so many of the songs before, I'm just not sure where. Movies, TV shows...somewhere. They're great. But this one is better than great.


I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
but you don't really care for music do ya
Well it goes like this the fourth the fifth
the minor fall and the major lift
the baffled king composing hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
you saw her bathing on the roof
her beauty and the moonlight overthrew ya
she tied you to a kitchen chair
she broke your throne and she cut your hair
and from your lips she drew the hallelujah.

Hallelujah,hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
You know, I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah,hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me do ya
but remember when I moved in you
and the Holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

Well maybe there's a God above
but all I've ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

posted at 1:13 PM

Saturday, November 15, 2003

High School Reunion

That's what I did Friday night. Not the real thing, just the preliminary, with some old friends. Up until about 4:30 Saturday morning, laughing start to finish. It's amazing how much people change, and at the same time, stay exactly the same. In groups like this, I always feel like I'm the one who's changed the most. What does that mean? It was lotsa fun, that's for sure.

Saturday -- four loaves of tuna fish sandwiches in 2 hours. (I was making them, not eating them.) Bowling with the youth group kids. Then I needed to crash. Not feeling so well, after no sleep and running errands like crazy. Kept the evening low key by watching movies.

Sunday -- weekly Whole Foods trip (or ritual, I should say), lunch with the Lindley's, napping. Jeff came over and we attempted to re-create the De Los Cabos salad at Taco Diner. It turned out okay, but something was still missing... There was football on my TV for most of the evening. Football. There is something seriously wrong with that. Red flag.

Today, I'm overdosing on vitamin C, Echinacea, hot tea... I feel like I'm trying to get sick. And this is not the week to do so. I have so much to do, and not enough time to do it. My life is just too stressful lately. Not enough time to breathe, it seems...

...which brings me to my next point...if my "meeting someone new" happens to run concurrently with having a very busy, hectic work schedule and increased responsibilities at work, please make note that my not returning phone calls, not being able to spend time with you, or unavailability to do the things I usually do is NOT a result of the first, but more likely the latter. A big sorry "shout out" to all who I've been neglecting lately. Give me three weeks and this will all be over...And then it will begin again, inevitably.

Happy Monday, everyone.

posted at 8:32 PM

Thursday, November 13, 2003

I just made the best mix CD in the world. Well, that's because it's some of my favorite songs. I realized, as I was listening to it, that I like these songs (1) for the lyrics, and (2) for the melodies. There are some one-liners in these songs that I love. Some of them so simple, some of them for the memories, whatever:

"I kissed your mouth and back...but that's all I need." -- Damien Rice

"If you would only listen you might just realize what you're missing, you're missing me." -- Jack Johnson

"I don't know why I'm still afraid, if you weren't real I would make you up... now." -- Joseph Arthur

"I call, because I just need to feel you on the line...don't hang up this time." -- John Mayer

"Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions, oh let's go back to the start."
"Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me, oh I want to rush to the start."
-- Coldplay

"Oh look at how she listens, she says nothing of what she thinks."
"Though it's red blood bleeding from her now, it felt like cold blue ice in her heart."
"She feels like kicking out all the windows, and setting fire to this life. She would change everything about her, using colors, bold and bright."
-- Dave Matthews (Okay, so I really like that song.)

"If you want it, come and get it, for cryin' out loud!" -- David Gray

I'm stopping now. Because it's getting out of control.

posted at 12:04 PM

Some time with my thoughts...

I'm finding that as time goes on, I really need to take time to spend with my thoughts. I've always needed a certain amount of "me time", as we all know, but this is a little different. I need downtime, alone, just to really think. Call it meditation, call it lazy, call it what you want, it's a necessity for me. I find if I'm surrounded by people for an extended period of time, then I start itching for that time alone, and become restless until I can be alone.

I notice when I sit down to write in my journal or sit down to type a blog entry, and I can't think of a thing to say, yet I've got so much in my head...that's a sign that I need some time alone to really think about the things going on in my life. Could be part of the OCD -- organizing my thoughts into little folders or jars so that I can more easily break them down, define them, deal with them, whatever.

I think about my friends having children now, or I think about my own mother when we were growing do (or did) they find this time? It seems so important, yet, probably last on the list of things "to do" once you start having a family and real responsibilities. I guess it's all about MAKING time for the things you really need in order to survive. Either that, or, your needs simply adapt.

On another note...I'm constantly aware of the people who make their way into my life and the role they play in my development as a person. Then there are those who've been with you for your ENTIRE life who start to take on a different, better, or more important role. Then there are those who fall away...and sometimes return. It all seems so highly orchestrated sometimes...this just amuses and intrigues me for some reason. It's like stepping out of your body and being able to watch it all as if it were a documentary or something. Sometimes, I think I can hear the narrator's voice..."In 1998, Lauri met so-and-so, which changed the course of her life forever..." I think it's Susan Sarandon who is narrating, but I'm not sure. ;)

Have a great day, everyone.

posted at 8:38 AM

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Look at depth perception must be off again.


I cannot work today, because I have too much on my mind. I can't focus. Thoughts just running rampant...I think I need a sedative. Actually, some sleep would help. But that's not happening.

He said, "Just come over..."

Go buy the new Pearl Jam album today.

posted at 10:37 AM

Monday, November 10, 2003

Weekend: Supercharged.

Perhaps we better start from the beginning...

Friday evening. Dinner and drinks with Chris and Kelly at the Metropolitan. Great place to eat, but shitty service. Pretension just seeping from the walls and fibers of the place, and perfectly personified in its patrons. Makes for good people watching, I guess. Unlike most people, I like the feeling of not fitting in. There's a certain amount of confidence that I gain when walking into those situations. Strange.

Saturday. "Girl time" with Kelly. Sushi lunch. Massage. Pedicure. Eyebrow waxing. Shopping for the perfect pair of running shoes. (Okay, I should have listened to Louie from the beginning on his suggestion about the shoes. Three pairs later, I finally bought the ones he suggested in the first place. Man, I hate it when he's right. This always happens. Does anyone need some size 8 1/2 running shoes? I've got plenty to spare.) Oh yeah, and if someone says, "Next time you come to see me, don't wear any panties" while you're lying on the massage table, does that constitute inappropriate behavior for a massage therapist? Also, he "likes to rub buns." Yeah.

Saturday evening. Low key. On purpose. Jeff came over. We attempted watching movies...that didn't work out. Watched Dave Matthews on SNL, of course. Lots of laughing. It could have been the wine... either way, it was nice.

I'm sorry that I missed Jonathan's party, though. Sometimes, things just happen that you can't control. Sounds like it was a good time.

Sunday. On the couch all day. Treated myself to a big juicy hamburger and french fries. Yuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

I hope everyone had a nice weekend.

posted at 11:30 AM

Friday, November 07, 2003

Come on in...

Let me show you what happiness is. What it feels like, tastes like, smells like. Laugh with me until your stomach hurts and you have tears in your eyes. Let me show you what it feels like to feel really good, to let go, for just a little while... Let me make you think of things you've never thought about before, let me help you put things into words that you didn't even know where communicable. Be quiet with me. Talk incessantly. Talk to me without using words. Let's whisper. Let me give you something to look forward to, something to be excited about. Let me help you forget about things you don't want to think about, do, or remember, just for a little while. Be silly with me. Don't hold anything back. Let me make you feel really safe and really good. Really comfortable.

But don't get too comfortable. Because this is where it always ends.

posted at 12:24 AM

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Making Plans...

My calendar is congested. Not like Thera-Flu congested, but busy. With all the massages, pedicures, parties, bowling with kids, concerts, doctors' appointments, sandwich making for the homeless...then there's the two sites to launch within a month, bills to pay, laundry to do... Where do the nap(s) fit into all of this? I know I've said it before, but I need a wife.

I'm really excited about some of my friends from high school getting together in a couple of weeks for a little birthday-get-together-shindig-extravaganza. A great group of guys. I will, no-doubt-about-it, suffer from some extreme abdominal pain and cramping after it's all over and done with -- they make me laugh uncontrollably. Good times ahead.

I talk a lot. Too much, I'm thinkin'. And if you've ever been with someone who's more of a listener, not so much a talker... you become keenly aware of the fact that you're just a Chatty Cathy. Oh well, screw it. I've got a lot to say, and I'm pretty unsure of how long I've got to say it. (Generally speaking, of course.) Thing is, those Non-Talkers, when they do get started, are usually the ones I find worthy of my silence.

Tomorrow's Friday. Yessireebob.

posted at 6:39 PM

Tuesday, November 04, 2003


"A mother is the truest friend we have...when trials, heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us when troubles thicken around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts."
-- Washington Irving

I love you, mom. Have a wonderful day.

posted at 11:05 AM

Thus we play the fools with time; and the spirits of the wise sit in the clouds and mock us.
-- William Shakespeare -- Henry IV, Act ii, Sc.2

I love that quote.

Well, it's Tuesday. Toooosday. An interesting evening last night. Shoe shopping, every-other-kind-of-shopping. I'm a sucker, as we've already established in this forum plenty times before... But I'm no longer a sucker for running shoes. I've got way too many pairs of running shoes in my closet that I cannot wear. And today, I'm suffering from shin splints and am convinced that it's because I do not have the right shoes. Perhaps I'll get an expert opinion on the next pair I buy...

I am having issues today with conflicting smells. Everything smells good, but everything mixed together... not so much.
1 - Shaved my legs with a delectable avocado oil this morning, which was followed up with an avocado lotion to moisturize.
2 - Washed my hair with a tea tree shampoo and conditioner, which has a strong scent...very good for my's a bi-monthly routine, of course.
3 - Got perfume sample at Nordstrom's last night that I thought I'd try today. Nope. Not good.

I think I might start sneezing. I think this is how old ladies get to smelling like Old Ladies. The conflicting smells. I need another shower.


posted at 9:38 AM

Monday, November 03, 2003

Everything you never needed to know about...

Someone landed on my blog today by typing "boobs+see+through" in a search engine. That cracks me up.

Speaking of search engines. Part of my job (please don't hold this against me or think any less of me, a job is just a job) is to optimize web sites for search engine traffic. There is an online tool that you can use to see what terms in a particular category are searched the most often, so it aggregates all of the search engine data and compiles these lists so that you can optimize your web site's creative, copy, code, etc. for search engine searches by your end users. (Total buzzwords in that paragraph = God only knows.)

Anyway, relative to my first point of the day, this web site has a ticker -- it scrolls the top 50 search terms or phrases used at any given point in time. It's kind of funny. People are sickos. Check it out.

posted at 2:52 PM

Sunday, November 02, 2003


Movie night last night. It was a rather calm and easy evening... much different than the others. We watched one of my favorites, "Igby Goes Down". I always have fun looking for the ghost of Holden Caufield in that movie... I think I've read before that the writer claims that there's no correlation between the two characters. Whatever.

Then, "Requiem for a Dream". Quite possibly the darkest movie I've seen to date. It certainly doesn't leave a smile on your face and a song in your heart. Just not one I care to see again. And I own it. I'll file it away with the rest of the memories.

And so it ends, I believe. Nothing without reason.

Some lyrics from David Gray today. I bought this CD once when I was on a CD buying spree. Didn't pay much attention to it, it got lost in the shuffle. (No pun intended.) This is the danger of acquiring too much music at one time. No time to really listen and appreciate what you've got. Needless to say, I've resurrected it, I've been giving it the proper attention it deserves this weekend. I like these.

This year's love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right, oh now
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife, oh now
If you love me got to know for sure
Cause it takes something more this time
Than sweet, sweet lies, oh now
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
When you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last

This year's love had better last
Cause who's to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
Won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last

posted at 2:04 PM

Saturday, November 01, 2003

What a night...what a sight.

Last night, we were sitting on the balcony having a glass of wine (sounds very distinguished, doesn't it? I digress...) and we heard a crash. A car accident down below. We decided to go down and take a look. Very interesting... a BMW ran into a Mercedes SUV. At least that's what we think happened, after our very sound assessment of the situation, cars, and drivers. No one was hurt. But I have to tell you, I couldn't quit laughing. It was quite a scene. Everyone was wearing Halloween costumes. The Mercedes was carrying a car FULL of women, all in strange costumes that I couldn't quite identify - perhaps just some outfits thrown together, all kinds of colors and fabrics. Watching them scramble around to clean out the car was quite entertaining. But the funniest thing, I thought, was the costume of the BMW driver. He was dressed as a prisoner -- not the black and white stripes, ball and chain. The orange jumpsuit. How many times are you going to see THAT? A convicted felon slamming into a car of gypsies with his BMW, explaining to the officer that it wasn't his fault.

posted at 6:38 PM