I've got one. I'm compulsive, and addictive. I think these two go hand in hand. My mother mentioned to me some time ago that she had a new morning beverage at work that she loved -- mixing hot cocoa mix with coffee, rather than the hot water. I've been doing this for about a month now. Can't stop. Can't live without one. Man it's good. And healthy! Yeah!
I think you can be addicted to people and feelings, too. I've got those addictions. Those are good addictions to have. The highs are good, but coming down is always so difficult. Then come the withdrawals... Oh man. I think you can be addicted to music, foods, TV shows, a certain thread count, all kinds of stuff. Or maybe those are just strong preferences for certain things.
Are addictions a sign of weakness? Sometimes I think so.
Happy Birthday, Ganga.
I'm listening to Sting all day today in honor and in memory of you.
He is one sexy m-er f-er.
posted at 8:35 AM
Man, I'm tired today. I went to sleep last night around 7:00 or so. Perhaps I need to start supplementing my diet with some vitamins or something. Nah, I could never keep up with that.
Looks like Jonathan has quit posting on his blog. The 7th Grade Band girls are going on vacation, lucky girls. Jim's just toying with the idea of updating his. I'm posting a bunch of crap, because I can't really generate a complete thought without being interrupted by thoughts of something I didn't get done, something past due, something hovering over my body like a big black cloud, the desire to throw myself into traffic... So, what's the point?
I need someone to take care of the stolen credit card thing, the water dripping from the ceiling above my bathtub, get my car washed, pay my bills, get film developed, return phone calls, make doctors' appointments... I need a wife.
So let the day begin.
"Work and acquire, and thou hast chained the wheel of Chance."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
posted at 8:45 AM
Happy Birthday Louie!
You're an old man.
You'll never be as old as me, though.
And you know, with age comes wisdom...
As for the rest of you. I've still got nothing.
Well, nothing I want to write here. :)
Have a wonderful day, everyone.
posted at 6:57 AM
I have nothing. Perhaps it will hit me like a wet sponge later.
posted at 9:38 AM
True to form.
So my credit card was stolen. As topsy-turvy as my life has been lately, I just thought I misplaced it. So I didn't cancel it until today. After a great deal of concentration and research, retracing my steps, I think I know who has the card. I think I've even got a picture of him, you know, using The Phone. That's an interesting story. I digress... Taking a look at the purchases that have cleared so far, it looks like he made a stop at Grapevine Mills and got some new shoes (hope he needed them), some jewelry (hope she liked it), and then off to Albertson's to buy something for $1.15. So far, he's spent about $300 of my hard earned money. Really changes the meaning of "working for The Man", now doesn't it?
My car needs to be cleaned. I'm finding myself inching around it very carefully so that I don't rub my body up against it for any reason, so that I don't get dirty. I'd hate for that car to rub off on me. And the inside... Jeez! It's bad. That car has just been through a lot lately, poor thing. She needs a bath.
Let's see... birthday dinner for Aunt B tomorrow. I'll get to meet Grace, her childhood friend from way back. They've known each other for 70 years! Isn't that amazing? I love it too much. I'll have all kinds of questions.
We laughed so much, then we cried
And you left your shoes, in the tree
I'll wear them to your house, tonight
Magic in the air, tonight
Yes I just might try her
How she made me feel
Today, today, today
We slept on leaves, on my drive
And you, gave me, no restime
Nothing in this life, for me
But nothing ever seemed, so bright
And if you should lose me
You will track me down, again
Before the summer ends
posted at 1:32 AM
Man, there's just nothing like them. Or at least, there's none in the world like mine. I mean this in a very good way.
Last night, I had one of the best nights ever. I met Jonathan and Scott out for drinks after a terrible work day. Then Kelly joined us. Then Justin joined us. It was all such a pleasant surprise! I laughed so much and so hard. That is what life is all about. My relationship with each of them is just so unique and wonderful. I appreciate and value every little thing about these people -- all their faults and virtues... There couldn't be five people with less in common than this group. I love that. This is the stuff good conversations are made of.
I have no idea what tonight has in store for me. That's how I live my life lately. Who is this crazy girl? Somebody stop her!
I hope everyone has a great weekend.
Faith pours from your walls, drowning your calls,
I've tried to hear, you're not near.
Remembering when I saw your face,
shining my way, pure timing.
Now I've fallen in deep, slow silent sleep,
it's killing me, I'm dying.
To put a little sunshine in your life.
Soleil all over you, warm sun pours over me.
Soleil all over you
Now this slick fallen rift,
came like a gift,
your body moves ever nearer
And your will dry this tear
Now that we're here, and grieve for me, not history
But now I'm dry of thoughts, wait for the rain,
Then it's replaced, sun setting
And suddenly we're in love with everything.
Soleil all over you, warm sun pours over me.
Soleil all over you
posted at 11:28 AM
I've not been posting, but I've been reading.
Sounds like everyone is feeling really good lately. Really happy.
That's good stuff.
Must be something in the air.
Maybe people are focusing on being happy.
3 out of 4 ain't bad.
4 out of 4 isn't impossible.
posted at 11:02 AM
Nothing surprises me.
I wish it did.
posted at 12:21 PM
How much is enough?
1: Glass of wine.
3: Gin and tonics.
4: Times I was asked to leave the bar.
5: Times I made my friends listen to my new favorite song which no one liked as much as me.
8: Total hours of sleep this weekend.
45: Minutes to wait, which changed the course of my evening, probably a good thing.
99: Pictures taken. Most with the phone, the rest with the regular old timey camera when the phone started to piss me off.
Some things I recall, which still make me laugh:
"Put your wine glass down, you can't take it with us, there's an open container law."
"Well, do you have a plastic cup?"
"Do you like this skirt, honey?"
"Looks like a hula skirt."
"Yeah, why don't you do a hula dance for me."
"I believe that's a hula hoop you're using there, baby, not a hula dance."
"You look nice tonight, LB, all dressed up."
"Thanks. But I don't think jeans and flip flops are 'dressed up'."
"You guys have to understand that last time I went out with LB she had on a sweatshirt, shorts, and flip flops and refused to change."
"Take it or leave it."
"I had to buy her a Lemon Drop Tuaca."
"Isn't Tuaca the big hairy guy on Star Wars?"
(Almost pissing himself laughing), "Try CHEWBACCA."
"We need you guys to move toward the front door, now."
"I've got 7 minutes to finish my drink."
"NO, you've got 4 minutes."
"Perhaps you haven't seen the time displayed on my new Sprint PCS phone, my friend... This thing runs my life. Seven minutes."
"I've got beer. Does anyone want a beer?"
"Check Lauri's beer selection before you drink one. Greenpeace Light is probably all she's got in there."
"I do not have organic BEER. Although there are some great organic wines out there..."
"There are seven straight girls in the country who subscribe to this Women's Golf magazine, and you're one of them. I think..."
"Lauri is the only person I know who has soap in her bathroom that looks good enough to eat."
"Douglas! He has a Spock on his ankle!"
"He's the type of person we never want to be..."
"I'm sorry I'm a f*cking dweeb, alright!?!??!"
"I'm watching you! I'm watching you!"
"Could you guys please quit your Billy-whatever tae bo shit so that I can go get a hamburger? You look like fools."
Have a great Monday.
posted at 10:17 AM
My new favorite four-word phrase: Late Night Spontaneous Rendezvous
Interesting evening of watching cartoons, good conversation, and all that always follows... plus some. I love spending time with people who make me happy, just being in the same room with them. I love surprises, shockers. I just love being me today. I'm a lucky girl.
So I got my oil changed today... then I went to the fire station to see my sister, picked up some stuff from her and had some sisterly chit-chat. She's ALWAYS got new pictures of my babies, so I came home with some duplicates of those she took over July 4/B's b-day weekend. Man I love those kids. I just want to smell 'em and kiss 'em and hug 'em so tight... I'll post some pictures of these two 3-year old perfection of human beings as soon as I get the digital camera fixed.
Kelly is on her way over to go down to the pool with me today for some relaxation and much needed best-friend-catch-up-girl-talk. It's so nice having her here. I'm working diligently to convince her husband to go to The Boats tonight. Like I said, I feel lucky this week... let's take this out for a spin, man! I could triple everything I've got! Whoo hooooo! :)
Have a great Saturday, everyone.
posted at 1:15 PM
Have you ever said something, that as soon as you said it, you wanted to take it back forever?
How do you feel about change?
I love it, for the most part.
But when something feels good in my life, I'll work every angle so that it doesn't change...
posted at 8:08 AM
1. Extreme happiness; ecstasy.
2. The ecstasy of salvation; spiritual joy.
I love that word. It's so powerful.
I have an awful, long day ahead of me.
But I don't care.
It's just a job.
It's not your bliss.
Now why can't I think like this EVERY day? :)
I'm going to work on it.
Have a blissful day, everyone!
posted at 9:36 AM
Forgive the last post. It was a difficult day for me.
But now it's almost midnight, and I've been winding down with some reading, you know, to get my head in the right place before I slip into my dreamy slumber. A very wise and close friend suggested that I read "The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying". So I am. And it's good. And he was right. This time. ;)
On "The Nature of Mind"... speaking of looking in, rather than looking out. (I could give more context here, but you'll get the point.) Ponder this:
So we make our lives so hectic that we eliminate the slightest risk of looking into ourselves. Even the idea of meditation can scare people. When they hear the words "egoless" or "emptiness", they think experiencing those states will be like being thrown out of the door of a spaceship to float forever in a dark, chilling void. Nothing could be further from the truth. But in a world dedicated to distraction, silence and stillness terrify us; we protect ourselves from them with noise and frantic busyness. Looking into the nature of our mind is the last thing we would dare to do.
Sometimes I think we don't want to ask any real questions about who we are, for fear of discovering there is some other reality than this one. What would this discovery make of how we have lived? How would our friends and colleagues react to what we know? What would we do with the new knowledge? With knowledge comes responsibility. Sometimes even when the cell door is flung open, the prisoner chooses not to escape.
posted at 12:08 AM
Motherfucker. I need a drink.
posted at 4:14 PM
What are you doing to make the world a better place to live?
posted at 8:41 AM
Holy cow. I'm the biggest dork ever.
So my boys talked me into getting this new phone. Not only getting a new phone, but just... you know, canceling my contract with AT&T ($$), balls to the wall, buying a new phone, getting new service, signing contracts, getting a new number, the whole shabang.
And it's the coolest thing ever. It has opened up a whole new world of opportunities for me. I am a new person. Work? Bills to pay? Stress? Pbssh. Who cares. I've got this phone, man! You can never know the beauty of it, until you get one. Which brings me to my next point. I'm going to need you to get one. Yeah, you. If you've ever called me before, or plan on calling me in the future, I'm talking to YOU. Because if YOU get one, then I can increase the number of people I can experience it with! See? We can send pictures to each other, e-mail, text message like fools, surf the web, all kinds of stuff. You can be connected, my friend. Just run over to the Sprint store and tell them you want one. It's that easy!
I spent my weekend in the sun and I have officially overdosed. I went to the lake on Saturday. Went to my pool today. Met some cool people. Relaxed. Read. Sent some photos and messages back and forth to my friends, you know... with The Phone.
I must get productive at some point this evening if I expect to have any clothes to wear tomorrow. (That means laundry.) I've got an early morning that I'm REALLY looking forward to... I hope everyone had a great weekend.
posted at 7:24 PM
I need an assistant.
I need a personal and work-related assistant. Someone to do things for me. Just help me out a little. Actually, I need a clone. I need someone to take my clothes to the dry cleaner, someone to pay my bills, someone to cook, maybe even do a little grocery shopping. And at the office, maybe someone to just write down all of the things I commit to do on a daily basis. My brain can only hold so much information, so I need to rent some space in someone else's brain for a little while. Rent-a-Brain. Rent-a-Body. THAT's what this world needs. I could make a million. Someone write that down.
Thank God for Fridays. The little glimmers of hope in every week. Last night was an overall good night. Good phone conversations with people who always make me smile, a good night's rest, good dreams... I actually woke up this morning thinking that I could snap my fingers and my house would be clean, laundry laundered and put away, all that good stuff. We all know this is impossible, given that I don't know how to snap. I physically cannot snap my fingers. I am a freak.
I hope everyone has a great weekend. Looks like great weather in the forecast. Do something fun. Learn something new. Or lay on your couch. Whatever blows your dress up.
posted at 9:17 AM
One shouldn't fantasize about moving away into the mountains, escaping from the outside world for a few years.
It makes the real world, your day-to-day grind, really miserable.
If you just stay on track with your thinking and understanding of how you work for The Man and have very little control over how you spend your time Monday through Friday, 8-12 hours a day... then you'll be fine.
posted at 1:33 PM
Did you notice the bright red oozing bottle of catsup in most of the Club Schmitz 2 pictures???
I, personally, LOVE a shot of the red stuff in my cold beer. Makes it taste mmm mmm good. You should try it sometime. Or... maybe your friends will just put it in there for you... you know, without you knowing... like maybe when you're in the bathroom or something... and you'll get to experience it without any effort whatsoever on your part.
Boys, boys, boys...
I'll get you back.
You just wait.
posted at 10:17 PM
People need to get a life.
I am taking on a label at my new office... Paper Jam Girl. Why do MY print jobs always clog up the freakin' printer? And why does it always happen when someone else REALLY NEEDS to print something? One lady, I swear, almost punched me in the face. Such ANGER over such a small thing. I just don't get it.
People need perspective in their lives. That's what I think. Spend some time with that thought today.
It's so strange working at a new place. I still see people who I've never seen before, or people who I see all the time but have never met, I don't know their names... that's strange for me, because I usually know everyone... It's almost as if I don't want to "move in" here or get settled. I don't know why I feel this way. But I have no personal belongings at my desk -- no pictures of family and friends, nothing. Maybe it's like everything else in my life -- I'm approaching my new desk and the new people with caution, letting things in one at a time, at the slowest of all possible paces.
Listening to a really good CD right now, thanks to my friend Jonathan who is always willing to share the wealth of good music. While out with all my J friends not long ago, we all agreed that Jonathan is the thread that keeps us all together -- without him, we'd probably never hang out. Thanks for being the Master Coordinator, Jonathan. And we'll let you into the "other" circle in no time, just be patient.
Good friends are hard to find. I know a lot of people who would help me hide the body if I needed it, and I'm very thankful for that.
posted at 9:09 AM
The fact that I cannot successfully persuade others to do things I want them to do is an excellent example of why I could never work in sales or wait tables.
Just booked myself a trip West for mid-August. I'm going out there for a seminar (blech), and went ahead and tacked on a weekend to the trip. We'll see if I come back. Don't cry. I'll still write you.
That's about all I've got today. Oh, I slept 11 hours last night. That was some good stuff. Well, except when I woke up around 3:00 am and found myself in a very serious debate with myself... some deep thought which sent me into another deep sleep with some really vivid dreams...
Have a lovely day. Please.
Remember that you're responsible for your own happiness. So do what makes you happy.
posted at 1:33 PM
Just a few things about me.
So, if you know me, you already know most of this crazy shit. I'm JOURNALING... you know, I'm going to read this in a couple of weeks and see if I'm still the same.
1. I read magazines back to front.
2. I know that there are 129 steps from my garage to my apartment. Sometimes 130. Depends on if I'm allowing myself to step on the cracks or not.
3. I love Stove Top cornbread stuffing (prepared with chicken broth in place of the water) mixed with scrambled eggs. It's a nasty guilty pleasure, but I really do love it.
4. When I was about 2 years old, I drank fingernail polish remover. It's pink. Looks good. Tastes bad.
5. My parents used to have a cassette tape of me, circa age 3, cussing like a sailor. Running the words together... "shitgodamnit." I haven't been able to stop myself since. I wish I hadn't lost that tape.
6. I can count the number of times I've been to a topless bar establishment, but it takes more than one hand to do so. I think this is strange.
7. I think that my cat and I communicate telepathically. And she hates it when I speak to her using a "baby talk" voice. I really am not a "cat person."
8. I hate when girls talk in the aforementioned baby talk voice.
9. I like the word aforementioned.
10. I like the word facetious even more. But that's because I like the spelling.
11. I change my toothbrush at least once a month, you know, start a new one. Sometimes more frequently. I stress about the fact we don't clean our toothbrushes. Just brush and put em' back up. That's strange.
12. I think I'm psychic. Either that, or I have exceptional intuition.
13. I will not eat or drink any dairy product on or after the expiration date.
14. I'm legally blind.
15. I have a lot of clocks in my house, and none of them are in synch, and they're all at LEAST 12 minutes fast. Keeps me guessing. Keeps me early.
16. After I start reading a book, and have gotten a few chapters in, I read the last page. What if I die before I finish????
17. There is nothing in the world better than someone rubbing my head or my hands. I really can't think of anything better.
18. Maybe avocadoes. But really, food is in a completely different category.
19. I don't "hover" over a public toilet seat to pee like most females do. I sit on it. I'm hoping I don't die from this, so that I can prove a point.
20. I do a lot of things to just to get a reaction from someone or to prove a point.
21. A brown recluse spider bit me on the ass when I was in junior high. I have a scar. Which is not in the same place anymore, because my ass is growing by leaps and bounds. But I'm not afraid of spiders.
22. I am morbidly afraid of snakes.
23. I read WAY TOO MUCH into song lyrics. They're all written about me, I swear.
24. I count. I count everything.
25. I don't cry. Except when I witness the birth of a child or sing the national anthem. People close to me are convinced that my tear ducts don't work. They do, just not around you.
26. I think everything "would make a great short film."
27. When you're talking to me, I'm wondering... what is motivating you to say what you're saying?
28. I think that preservatives in foods are killing all of us.
29. Old people make me nervous. Very nervous.
30. I love to sleep outside.
31. I hate it when people think they know me, when they clearly do not. Just ask me anything. I'll tell you.
32. I hate it when people assume. NOTHING is as it seems. Yet perception is everything.
33. I hate finding myself on the fence.
34. I love my family. I think I love my family more than most people love their families. I think my family doesn't know how much I love them.
35. I think the world is going to hell in a handbasket.
36. I have compulsions. God, do I have compulsions.
37. I sleep on my couch more than I sleep in my bed.
38. I work really hard to create The Perfect Bite, with every meal.
39. I have very little tolerance for people with weaknesses. But I expect everyone to accept mine. It's just awful.
40. I think that someone's hair and choice of jewelry (or lack thereof) really say a lot about them.
41. I label people.
42. I hate to be labeled.
43. I was on the jump rope team in elementary school. I was a rope jumping machine.
44. I got "talks to much" on my report card in second grade. My mom asked my teacher to move me to another seat. The teacher told her that I talked too much to her, not the other children.
45. I received a letter and application from an organization working to increase the number of women voters in my area. It had all kinds of grammatical, syntax, and spelling errors in it. I marked it up with a red pen and sent it back to them. I told them I wasn't interested. That wasn't the first time I'd done that... or the last.
46. I can recite a list of all the prepositions for you, if you'd like to hear them.
47. I'm not afraid of dying, and I think that burying dead bodies in a cemetery is very strange.
48. I am a hypochondriac.
49. I believe in the Green Light Gods.
50. I do not know how to change a flat tire. And I think that, because I just typed that, I will get a flat tire sometime in the near future. That's just how my life works.
51. I love riding on a train.
52. I think a large majority of people don't know what true love is. Large majority is redundant.
53. I really love to gamble.
54. I'm not a big fan of lake water.
55. I'm feeling really self-centered right now... so I'm going to stop the list. You probably didn't make it this far, anyway.
So maybe that was more than just a few things.
I know you were hoping for something a little more personal. Oh well. Maybe if you sneak into my house and read my real journal sometime you'll get the good shit. And then I'll have to kill you.
posted at 10:43 PM
I hope everyone had a wonderful Fourth of July.
I personally am having a lazy Sixth of July. At my house. With my cat. And no one else. And that is a beautiful thing. Thank God for Me Time.
Well, kids...I think I'm growing up. I think I can fathom being married and having babies... for the first time. I think I can get my arms around that idea. That sounds like a good idea. This is a big step for me. I don't necessarily think I have a "clock" like other people claim they've got, but I think I can accept the conformity that is marriage and procreation. I know, I know, this really negates the aforementioned feelings about "Me Time"... but... surely I can work that in. Right??? What the hell am I talking about?
Where is the sun?
So...looking at my couch right now... I need to get horizontal.
posted at 3:04 PM
Still thinking... Man...
So I made it into work.
Almost fell asleep in the client meeting.
Came home and napped. Felt good. Feelin' better.
Forgot to post one thing about last night... You can just call me LADY LUCK from now on... My poor friends, I took all their money. It's very dangerous to get a group of people together who love to gamble.
"I'm going to spin this dime, I bet you forty bucks it lands on heads."
Tails. I win. Cha-ching. Poor Justin. I think he still had fun last night, though. From what I could tell.
Then there was Odds/Evens -- Jonathan took all my money, then I took it right back from him. And then some.
It took everything in me not to agree to the proposed Shreveport trip after the Schmitz-nitz. But since I work for the man, who is keeping me down, suppressing my spontaneity, not recognizing the 3rd of July as a nationally recognized holiday, I couldn't go. BUT, since I'm a good person, I paid for all the drinks with my boys' hard-earned money. It was the least I could do.
Take a look at the pics to the left -- "Club Schmitz Round 2'.
Thanks for posting, Jonathan.
posted at 6:13 PM
posted at 7:10 AM
- Something stinks in my apartment. I can't figure out what it is.
- Something stinks in the stairwell at my building.
- Something stinks at work. In the cube farm.
- My car really doesn't smell that great, either, now that I think about it. I think it's all the boxes in the back.
Maybe I just need to blow my nose.
Maybe I need a nose job, this big honker smells everything. Yeah, right...
I think I smell pretty good, though. ;)
I literally ran into someone at my office yesterday. I was running. And he rounded the corner just as I did. I didn't hurt him, but I think I embarrassed him. Maybe it was because I was practically hugging him as I was on top of him in the hallway... and I didn't let go as I was apologizing. I don't know why... it was just a weird situation. And his fiancée works here. That made it more awkward for some reason. People are strange.
If my life were HALF as exciting as other people thought it was, I'd be living it up!!
posted at 10:28 AM
The absence of inflection is killing me.
This morning, while chatting with my friend Jeff, I realized that probably 90% of my day-to-day communication with my friends, relatives, and other acquaintances occurs via e-mail or instant messenger. And things I say seem to always be interpreted the wrong way... I used to have such a "way with words" (I like that phrase), but it seems like I've just forgotten what TACT means when I sit down to the keyboard to have a conversation. (Man, that's fucked up, the last part of that sentence.) There's the general, known fact that the author of typed words has no control over the inflection intended to be communicated in the delivery, besides the use of CAPITAL LETTERS (yelling, of course), or italics... but those don't even work the right way most of the time. Besides all that, I just always seem to say way too much or way too little -- nothing in between. I'm going to work on that.
Then there's the blog, and that's a whole DIFFERENT story -- it's open to all KINDS of interpretation (note the use of capital letters...) You really can't change that, though. It's a risk. I'll take it. What the hell are these blogs for, anyway? I've found some really good ones online that I like to read, gives me an outlet to explore that sicko, voyeuristic nature that's in all of us. I find other people's lives terribly interesting... until they start to bore me. I think I have R.A.D.D. - Relationship Attention Deficit Disorder. (God, I'm going to get traffic from dozens of hypochondriacs who are looking for a list of A.D.D. symptoms so that they can self-diagnose and go medicate themselves... YOU DON'T NEED IT! NEITHER DO YOUR KIDS! You probably don't need half of the medication in your purse. Throw it away. You're fueling the pharmaceutical companies' empire fire.)
Well, this has just turned into a rant, hasn't it? It's been awhile. I was due.
I'm in a great mood today. My body hurts a little bit from going to the driving range last night, but otherwise, it's an overall good feeling I've got today. Not great, but good. I could make a whole new entry on what "great" would be. But that might be saying too much. :)
Have a great day.
posted at 9:31 AM