Thursday, August 28, 2003
Family.
I spent quite a bit of time with mine last night. Dinner. Then porch talk. Then Algebra I tutoring. Then some garage talk. I ended up going home after midnight, really thankful that I stopped by. The thing I love about virtually everyone in my family is, they will tell you like it is. They don't sugar-coat things. They don't ease into things. It is in-your-face, don't-ask-unless-you-really-want-to-hear-the-answer brutal honesty. I look to them for that. I appreciate it.
I think that you don't really realize how great your family is, or the things about your family that you're the most thankful for, until you spend time with other people's families and see the opposite in action... watch them dance around each other, watch them engage in sugar-coated conversation, watch them pretend.
I oftentimes find myself judging other people and their families when I see this in action -- you know, after witnessing something like this, saying, "Why the hell didn't you just SAY
Maybe I'm not just talking about families here... but just relationships in general. I appreciate someone who tells it like it is, that's all. I never want anyone's pity, that's for sure. I never want to pretend. I don't need anyone to protect my feelings. I never want something that isn't real and true and pure.
That is all.
posted at 10:01 AM
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
Head hurting...
Yesterday's positive trip to the orthodontist only left me with a 48 hours and counting headache. I can't think of anything to post. Emotionally, I am drained this week. I will say this -- the control freak has figured out that there are some things that are just out of her control -- hormones. That's GOT to be it. It's GOT to be.
Since I've got nothing else, I'm going to post some lyrics that my brother sent me last night. He's right, they're good. PJ's
"Light Years"
I've used hammers made out of wood
I have played games with pieces and rules
I've deciphered tricks at the bar
but now you're gone
I haven't figured out why
I've come up with riddles
and jokes about war
I've figured out numbers and what they're for
I've understood feelings
and I've understood words
but how could you be taken away
And wherever you've gone
and where ever we might go
it don't seem fair
today just disappeared
your lights reflected now
reflected from a far
we were but stones
your light made us stars
With heavy breath
awakens regrets
backpages and days alone the could've been spent
together but we were miles apart
every inch between becomes light years now
no time to be void
or save up on life
uh you've got to spend it all
And wherever you've gone
and where ever we might go
it don't seem fair
you seem to like it here
your lights reflected now
reflected from afar
we were but stones
your light made us stars
And wherever you've gone
and wherever we might go
it don't seem fair
today just disappeared
your lights reflected now
reflected from afar
we were but stones
your light made us stars
posted at 8:10 AM
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
You can't kill the rooster!
"Damned straight," he said. "Rooster ain't getting dressed up to eat no fish-assed-tasting chicken."
Please. Go to the Esquire web site and read some of David Sedaris' work. I'm going to get a tissue to wipe the tears from my eyes. I have no idea how to put a fancy link in this blog, but the url is below.
http://www.esquire.com/humor/sedaris/
Whew. Good stuff.
Update: Look! I added a link to the left. Damn, I'm good.
posted at 1:30 PM
Holy COW!
The wire in the roof of my mouth is coming out soon! Very soon!!! This opens up all kinds of possibilities. (Scott -- no comments from you on this one.) I'm terribly excited. It's the little things. Bring on the hard candy!
If you get a chance, pick up this week's New Yorker magazine. There is a David Sedaris article in there that is hilarious.
I'm starving.
I need to file my nails, they're too long.
I'm cold.
Oh... and thank you, Louie.
posted at 10:51 AM
Monday, August 25, 2003
Wake up... wake up... wake up...
posted at 8:27 AM
Sunday, August 24, 2003
Wish I had something.
But I've got nothing.
Lots of things running through my mind, of course, but I can't even get my arms around them in my own head, so writing them here wouldn't be any good for you, the reader. I'll spare you that. I saw a movie this evening which really sucked, so I won't write about that...
See? Like I said... nothing.
I did get in to see a doctor about the numb leg when I got back on Friday. Nothing. More tests, more appointments. Frustrating. I am going to quit writing about the leg on the blog, though, because it's freaking my loved ones out. Truth is, you probably don't want to know about my numb leg anyway. I mean, why would you want to read about a numb leg when there's all kinds of other exciting things to read about online?
Can you actually see the negative energy rolling off your monitor as you're reading this post? Jesus.
Can cats get dandruff?
posted at 1:04 AM
Friday, August 22, 2003
Ready to go.
I hate packing. I should have done it last night... I will forget something. I've accumulated more stuff since I arrived. Where am I going to put it? I'm just ready for 9:55 to get here, ready for that plane to take off and take me home. Don't get me wrong, if I could have my things, my cat, my family, friends, and a job here - I'd stay here for the rest of my life. But those things are at home, and I'm missing them.
The leg is still numb. Won't be able to get in to see a doctor when I get home. Timing. Oh well. Everyone keeps telling me that flying CAN'T be good for it. Well, I'm certainly not renting a car and driving home... If I have to lose a leg, that's just what has to happen. It was written in the stars, part of my life plan, my destiny. Damned stars.
Some lyrics for today. I really like this song. You have to hear it, it's got a good melody.
Weight of the World - Alana Davis
Each day
I say
that today
won't be like yesterday
But it stays this way
Today and everyday
I pray
that today
will feel a different way
But it stays this way...
The weight of the world has fallen
and the rubble is at my feet
The voice of a girl is calling
I can hear but she's buried so deep
All of my truths are broken
They're fragments of love and hate
The words that remain are a token
of honesty that came too late
Here in the midst of madness
washed up by the tides of war
Try to resist the sadness
but the pressure is hard to endure
Yet we begin again
still playing our games
And everyone's innocent-
Just victims of change
Wearing a mask of freedom
and hiding behind a smile
Playing the role of a leader,
pretending for just a while
Everything seems an illusion
echoing around my brain,
trapped in a vast seclusion
Where the images fall like rain
And we begin again
still playing our games
And everyone's innocent
Just victims of change
Living in sin again
with no one to blame
And everyone's innocent
Just victims of change
Each day
I say
that today
won't be like yesterday
but it stays
this way
Today and everyday
I pray that today
will feel a different way
But it stays this way...
posted at 8:05 AM
Thursday, August 21, 2003
"numb leg" (3)
"numb knee" (1)
"my leg is numb" (1)
"hypochondriac" (1)
"golf girl blog" (several)
When I find out why my leg is numb, I'm going to have to post the explanation. People obviously want to know. I owe it to my search engine seekers.
Also, do people know there's a famous "golf girl blog"? They must.
posted at 1:05 PM
Wednesday, August 20, 2003
The World According to Lauri
I'm thinking of writing a book. A book about me. I have a lot of wisdom to share, you know? I might have to GIVE the book away, but I think it would be a page turner.
I can see the chapters now...
How I Became the One Woman Walking Medical Phenomenon
How to be a Really Good Friend
Choosing Your Words
How to Apologize for Your 'Sharp Tongue'
Emotions -- Like Lightswitches!
Timing.
OCD. It Really Does Mean That You're Very Intelligent.
Patterns are Okay. But Why Not Try a Solid?
The Heart/Head Dichotomy -- Finding that Perfect Balance
Me Time -- How Much is Too Much?
My List of Golf Rules
How I Work Around the Fact That I Have No Poker Face
How to Unclog Your Tear Ducts Twice a Year
Letting People Inside the Bubble
Other People's Feet are Gross. But Please Rub Mine.
Choosing the Right Time in Your Life for Orthodontics
When Not to Operate a Vehicle or Other Heavy Machinery
The Love Litmus Test
Very Tried and True Unsuccessful Halloween Costumes
Say NO to Hair Styling Products
Jars and Labels
So Your Friends are Mostly Men. Some Things to Consider.
Grocery Bag Elitist
Why I think Vitamin Water Cures Cancer
How to Prepare Someone for Something They Probably Aren't Expecting to Hear From You
Reading Between the Lines
Alright. I've got more wisdom. But the book is already too long! I've got to stop myself. There really is more!
Someone reached my blog today by typing "numb leg" into a search engine. That's some funny shit.
posted at 10:17 PM
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
Sigh.... Sigh... Sigh... Bored.
What makes these DoubleTree cookies so damned special? I think my mom and my Aunt B can do better. So can my sister. She's a baking machine. I guess that in my family, one has to bear children before the baking bone is activated. Why should I do it when they all do it so well? Let my mom tell you about her VERY EASY dessert recipe that calls for Mountain Dew! Yes! Can you believe it? Mountain Dew! And let Holly tell you how to make this very scrumptious, rich, yellow-cake-mix-and-some-Eagle-Brand-milk concoction that is blissful sweetness. And Aunt B... well... it's all in her head. She'd love to tell you all about it, though. Maybe my baking bone is actually active, it's just buried deep beneath the numb leg and I just can't FEEL IT. Yeah... that's the ticket.
Yes, I have an Aunt B. Just to ward off any comments about that.
So I'm bored because I have overdosed on Me Time. I never thought this could happen to me. I need to sit with someone and laugh, laugh, laugh. That's what I need right now. Laughing. And lots of it. Some situations, there's just nothing else you can do about them but laugh. Take a numb leg, for example. That's some funny shit. And how about REALLY bad timing? That's HILARIOUS. A knee slapper.
But what if it's really not about the timing... what if it's never been about the timing... Just something I need to record here for future reference.
What shall I do tonight? I'm thinking of passing on the cocktail hour-or-so downstairs. Just not my thing. All those crazy people just DYING to talk some more about search engines. I wish Lily was here.
posted at 7:32 PM
Monday, August 18, 2003
I watch the Western sky
The sun is sinking
The geese are flying South
It sets me thinking
I did not miss you much
I did not suffer
What did not kill me
Just made me tougher
I feel the winter come
His icy sinews
Now in the fire light
The case continues
Another night in court
The same old trial
The same old questions asked
The same denial
The shadows closely run
Like jury members
I look for answers in
The fire's embers
Why was I missing then
That whole December
I give my usual line:
I don't remember
Another winter comes
His icy fingers creep
Into these bones of mine
These memories never sleep
And all these differences
A cloak I borrow
We kept our distances
Why should it follow I must have loved you
What is the force that binds the stars
I wore this mask to hide my scars
What is the power that pulls the tide
I never could find a place to hide
What moves the Earth around the sun
What could I do but run and run and run
Afraid to love, afraid to fail
A mast without a sail
The moon's a fingernail and slowly sinking
Another day begins and now I'm thinking
That this indifference was my invention
When everything I did sought your attention
You were my compass star
You were my measure
You were a pirate's map
A buried treasure
If this was all correct
The last thing I'd expect
The prosecution rests
It's time that I confess: I must have loved you
I think Sting just gets it.
posted at 3:37 PM
Sunday, August 17, 2003
My leg is numb.
That's really all that's on my mind right now. From my knee to my ankle on my right leg, it's numb. It's very strange. It's been this way since Thursday. Maybe I pinched a nerve in it? Surely that's it. That's what you get, I guess, for being the crazy, spontaneous girl that I am. A numb leg. Walking doesn't seem to help it, because I walked miles yesterday. A warm bath doesn't help it. Resting it doesn't help it. If I'm dragging my right leg behind me when I get back home, I hope my friends will still want to be around me. I'll be a real catch then...
I had a wonderful day yesterday, despite the numb leg. I rented a car and drove to San Francisco, then to Sausalito. Both very different places -- but both equally wonderful. I love it here. I really do. If I knew how to post pictures on this blog, I'd share some of my adventures with you, but I don't even know how to make the words link to something. I'm so smart.
Now I'm off to a church in San Jose which is the oldest church building in California. We'll see how that goes. Maybe the Holy Spirit will heal my leg. Then I'll return the car, come back to the hotel, and spend some time at the pool reading. The conference begins tomorrow. I'm thrilled. :/
Have a wonderful day.
posted at 11:30 AM
Saturday, August 16, 2003
Ahhhhh....
Well, I had planned on taking a break from the blog on my week away, but I've decided not to. This weekend has turned quite interesting. Man, things just happen in your life sometimes that you never could predict. Lightning strikes or something. I needed a jolt. It's all good.
So I'm pondering my day -- what to do with it. Thinking of renting a car and heading to San Fran. Thinking of getting a massage. Thinking of doing some shopping. Thinking of spending some time at the pool. Just thinking... like I usually do. I've got lots to think about. Lots to ponder. What I'm pondering the most right now is "Why don't I live here?"
I had an excellent dinner last night.
I slept like a baby.
I had wonderful dreams.
My brother sent me some excellent lyrics last night. And some writing of his own. He's such a smart, feeling person. I just like that we've found yet another common interest. That's important. I'm the proverbial middle child. An older sister, younger brother. My relationships with both of them are so very different. And I love that. They are so different. I love that. I just love them. Family is everything. And mine may not be perfect, but they're just what I want.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend. Enjoy.
posted at 11:09 AM
Friday, August 15, 2003
Still tired. Need sleep. Need coffee. Just NEED...
Getting on another plane today, headed out to San Jose for a week. The weekend should be relaxing and fun. Next week, however, could prove to be pretty damned boring at the conference I'll be attending. At least I'm out of the office, breaking out of the mold. Maybe I'll do some thinking outside of the box. I'm thinking of distracting myself with something I haven't done in a while -- recording buzzwords. Maybe I'll have a good list for you when I get back. There's not much buzzword action at the new job, so I'm due for some...
I am staying true to some of my New Year's resolutions, by the way. I'm being very spontaneous. I'm going out on a limb. I'm doing things I've never done before. Just an update for you... Did I mention that I'm doing some really spontaneous things? Feels good. Feels really good.
Know what makes you happy.
You deserve nothing less.
Have no regrets.
Follow your bliss.
Live your life.
And when someone tries to stop you... open your eyes.
posted at 9:38 AM
Thursday, August 14, 2003
Tired. Body aching.
My parents must have driven me around in the car to put me to sleep when I was a baby. I love to sleep in a moving vehicle. A car is the best. I can sleep like a baby. I used to be able to sleep on a plane pretty easily, also. But clearly, my body must have grown a little bit since the last time I tried to really sleep on a plane. Either that, or, the American Eagle seats are smaller. I think that chances are, my ass has grown. I digress... the point is, my body is yelling at me for the very strange and awkward positions I forced it into in order to get an hours worth of sleep on the plane last night.
My mind is too full right now to post anything of my own that would be worth reading. How about some lyrics? Yeah... lyrics.
A warning sign
I missed the good part, then I realised
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
A warning sign
It came back to haunt me, and I realised
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover
Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
And I'm tired, I should not have let you go
Oooooooo
So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms.
posted at 10:04 AM
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
My brother, German Food, and The Beautiful People
He wanted to make a comment on the blog yesterday, but couldn't. (He's blaming it on his computer...) So he e-mailed it to me. I figure that since I was talking about him, it's only fair that I post his comment for him. Freak.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i just actually hit your "blog" thing for the first time....didn't know what
in the hell you were talking about (a few months ago) when you said "blog"
[note to self] welcome to 2003....get web-savvy/learn new lingos
i believe my name was mentioned in a comment above (was it regarding you
never farting ever before?) i will say (for the record) that there is still
not any audio recordings/eye witnesses with proof....but i do believe you
confessed before.
i believe "jesus" was mentioned in one of the comments above as well. heard
anything about that new mel gibson flick called THE PASSION? it's about the
last 12 hours of the life of christ....lot of controversy from the religious
community....supposed to be very real and pretty graphic.....sounds pretty
cool to me
"however, it's no gayepiscapalianthing though"
i'll try to check ya blog from time-to-time
your other brother......mathew (i ate bean burritos
tonight....ahhh....ohhhh....ooops.....gotta go)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He speaks. Once you get him started, you can't shut him up. He's a pretty good brother, I guess. I just wish he'd come see me more often.
So the Usability Testing resumes today. Nine people scheduled. Only seven more to go. Then I'll start my trek back to Dallas by way of Chicago. As if this day isn't going to be long enough already. In heels.
So we went to a great German restaurant last night. I had some good German beer and a Chicken Schnitzel. Wow. It was GREAT. All of it. I even ate some kraut. Warm kraut. Warm slaw. All kinds of stuff that I never eat. Thank goodness we walked to the restaurant, because I needed the walk back to the hotel to sober up and burn some calories.
Some good quotes from Jeff today. This guy cracks me up.
"She is a particularly unattractive woman.
There is an inbreeding problem here, especially across the river. You see people with three ears."
posted at 8:49 AM
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
I just had a 3-Way
A 3-Way Skyline Chili Burrito! Cincinnati chili (Skyline chili, specifically) is VERY different than the chili we burn our mouths with in Texas. It has cloves in it... and chocolate... and lots of other really different spices. Tastes nothing like any chili I've had before. Whoo wee. I'm stuffed. You gotta try it.
Update on the weather. It's beautiful. I'm liking it. My traveling companion is cracking me up today, too, so it's an all around good day. We're going DOWNTOWN this evening for a good dinner. And I might just get out of here earlier than I had planned tomorrow. Happy day!
posted at 12:55 PM
Usability Testing and Rain.
Cincinnati sucks today. Yesterday, the weather was beautiful. Today, rain.
I sleep better in hotels than in my own bed (or couch.) Last night, I got the best night's sleep ever. I feel rested today. Ready to go. It could be because I went to bed early, or because I had a couple of beers and a huge dinner... either way, I enjoyed the sleeping. Good stuff.
Something hit me today. Like a wet sponge. I'm not sure why it hasn't been so obvious to me before...That is such a frustrating feeling.
I hope everyone is having a good week.
posted at 6:31 AM
Saturday, August 09, 2003
I love stimulating conversation...
There's just nothing like it. Had a good one this evening with a very old friend. We played "catch up" for a little while... started talking about our upcoming high school reunion... then moved on to work (he actually gets to do something he loves), travel, books (lots of good Salinger talk and the Glass family), movies, family, death, relationships, marriage, music (everything from soundtracks to Stravinsky)... It was just one of those good ones. We covered a lot of ground in a very short period of time. Push my buttons. Make me think. Tell me something I've never heard before. Agree with me. Disagree with me. I love it.
I'm having a difficult time enjoying my weekend for some reason. What am I talking about? For several reasons. I can't relax. I feel like too much of my life is out of my control right now. Work... everything. I just need to wake up tomorrow morning, and it be August 23. I need to fast forward. I also need to rewind, now that I think about it... Can someone let me borrow his or her Magic Time Machine?
I hope everyone else out there is having a good weekend. And hopefully some good, stimulating conversation.
posted at 10:41 PM
Thursday, August 07, 2003
This blog just ain't what it used to be.
I used to be able to generate a thought or an idea of some kind. Sometimes, I'd even start a good discussion. Now, it's just a small recap here and there about my crazy life. Things that really, no one cares about. Bottom line, I don't have time. I've not even been writing in my real journal at home. I've not been reading. I've not been watching TV. I've been working a lot. I've been stressing a lot. I'm really needing a good, relaxing weekend. Perhaps one on the west coast sometime soon will be the right medicine for me.
Have you ever done something that you haven't done in a really long time and thought, "Man, I'm really out of practice." You know, like riding a bike or playing a sport. Maybe even cooking or something... Well what about feelings? Can one be "out of practice" with having, dealing with, nurturing, and FEELING a feeling or emotion that he or she hasn't felt for a long time? I tell you what, they can sneak up on you. Good and bad feelings. Just a thought...
It's almost 1:00 am. Not a good thing. I will never make up the hours of sleep I'll miss tonight. Because it's just not possible.
Crazy is the word of the week.
Everything is crazy.
And a little interesting, if I do say so myself.
The hours are ticking away... that's right folks, the weekend is coming. Fear not.
posted at 1:02 AM
Tuesday, August 05, 2003
sigh.
posted at 10:42 AM
Sunday, August 03, 2003
The Haves Have Not a Clue...
Are you a Have, or a Have Not? I'm not sure what I am... I know that I've got more than I need.
I had a pretty good weekend. A lazy Friday... a movie-watching, no-tax-shopping Saturday... a productive Sunday... and a great Sunday afternoon. My house is clean, my laundry is done -- let the week begin.
So I've started planning my high school reunion. I started this weekend, sending out an e-mail to those classmates for whom I have an e-mail address... man I'm hoping that some of those go-getters from high school will just jump on this and get busy. I definitely don't have time for it. I'm dying to see everyone, though. I graduated from high school in a small town with a small class of less than 100. You knew everyone -- and you had known most all of them since before kindergarten. Your family knew their family -- it was just a great place to grow up. I feel like such a different person now, I've definitely changed a lot since high school. For the better, I think. I guess I'm anxious to see what everyone else has become. Not what job they have, how many degrees they've earned... but who they are. So that's that. I'm wanting to do something very unconventional for the shindig. We'll see how it all turns out.
What the heck is the matter with the comment box? You can't have a BLOG without a comment box! What the...?
So that's it for Sunday ramblings. Everyone get a good night's sleep. Brace yourselves for Monday.
posted at 9:38 PM
Friday, August 01, 2003
It's Friday!
I hope I get my car washed this weekend.
I hope I get some rest this weekend.
I hope we have beautiful weather this weekend.
I hope I see some good movies this weekend.
I hope I get some reading in this weekend.
I hope Justin has a wonderful birthday weekend.
I hope everyone has a great, safe weekend. Enjoy.
"This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last."
-- Oscar Wilde
posted at 7:42 AM
